Episode 17- Dan Get's Harassed By The Police

Raz, Gale, Stessica and Jeremy meet an interesting alchemist while Dan and Samuel come into conflict with the Captain of the Guard. Meanwhile, Jack is visited by a mysterious goddess... 

This episode contains: Profanity, Sexual Content, Violence, Reference to Drug/Alcohol Use, and rolling for boobies.

Transcript

SPEAKER_10 0:00

Caverns and Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys. As an adult, content warnings can be found in the episode's description.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Critter report! Oh god. It's critter report time. Uh does anyone have a critter to report or a port a report to critter?

SPEAKER_01 0:54

There are puppies at my girlfriend's house.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

How many?

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Oh, that's excellent.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Like eight. What size are they? Why didn't you ask what kind before you asked how many?

SPEAKER_01 1:02

They're beagles. They're about this big. That's cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

For the audience at home, he's demonstrating about the size of my penis. I'm just kidding. I'm a Patreon at that. He's doing the classic, like, it's this big with one hand, and that's what size he's doing. Does anyone else have a critter report? I don't know if I have a critter report. I don't think I do.

SPEAKER_10 1:25

Um, I saw a muskrat yesterday. Whoa! Yeah, kind of cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

You should have taken a picture of it.

SPEAKER_10 1:30

I was living in the moment. I didn't take a picture.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Sometimes I don't take the picture. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_10 1:35

Yeah, it was fun. I saw a bunch of birds yesterday, too. Um, so that was cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

When she says uh I was living in the moment, can we insert the clip of the guy from Secret Life of Walter Meady?

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Yes. I love me some secret walk while I was in Oh my show.

SPEAKER_09 1:52

Take your time, brother. And that's the end of the episode, folks. Yeah, me to guys, that was our podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

That would be our podcast. I've been seeing groundhogs. That's what I will say. The groundhogs are waking up and they are hanging out.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Have you seen Postgotani feel yet? What are you saying?

SPEAKER_03 2:08

What language is this?

SPEAKER_01 2:10

The the gr the groundhog that looks at a shadow.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Have you seen that? He comes out of like a he comes out of like a little tree and the whole town goes crazy for him.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Oh yeah, it's the guy from Jack Frost, right? The acclaimation. The guy from Groundhog State. Yeah. Yeah, it's the ground.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

It's the titular groundhog.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

It's Bill Murray. They keep him in a hole.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Every year they poke Bill Murray.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

Bill Murray is the groundhog. Guys, I'm going to start reporting this every every episode now. Isaiah and I are working on homebrewing a new combat system for us to play with because we're not like crazy unhappy with the system, but we're going to switch it up a little bit.

SPEAKER_09 2:50

We want some more depth.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

More depth. Precisely. I'm looking at nimble as kind of like the thing to build around. And also I'm probably going to keep it so that small roles equal good because I don't want to have to retrain everyone's brains, including my own. So anyways, now that that's out of the way, we have a Patreon. And on that Patreon, we had a person not submit a Patreon question. Dun We're out of Patreon questions. Uh I have come up with a question to ask. What was everyone's first kiss like? We're gonna go ahead and start with Catherine.

SPEAKER_10 3:25

I'm Catherine. I play Roz Schumann, and Roz's first kiss was very sweet. It was a little awkward as first kisses can be. Uh she didn't really know what she was doing, you know. She you know, it was a classic, like she practiced kissing on her hand, you know, and she was like, I probably got this. Probably. And she got nervous, and it was a very short kiss, but it was very sweet because she liked the the person.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Up next is gonna be Isingles. Isaiah. What was Gail's first kiss like?

SPEAKER_09 3:58

Is that the first time you referred to me as Izingles on the podcast?

SPEAKER_03 4:01

No, that would be the second time. Because I did it last time as well, and I had to like say I'm like I'm I'm soft launching Isingles because I'm saying it more often than your real name. That is true. It's it's caught on.

SPEAKER_09 4:12

I changed my Discord name and it's just spread. Yeah, it has. I'm Isaiah. I play the character of Gail. Uh, not on like Catherine's answer. Gail uh had kind of like a short, quick verse case with her best friend out of sleepover. It was kind of nice. Wow. What is that? Oh I'm getting a phone call.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Okay, Mr. Businessman. He's gone. Alright, cool. Up next is gonna be D.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

I um D. D. I played the character of Dan. Uh Dan's first kiss was he was very unprepared. He didn't even know it was gonna happen. His very first girlfriend just kind of leaned over and he like looked away for a second, and as he turned back, they like bumped head heads and they like pecked each other on the lips real quick. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Did they like go for a second kiss? Was like the second kiss immediate, or was it like, oh my gosh, that was embarrassing? And then they never kissed again. Or like what was it?

SPEAKER_00 5:07

They hit the second kiss.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

They did, they hit the second kiss.

SPEAKER_09 5:10

They hit the second kiss!

SPEAKER_04 5:13

Let me be clear. They hit the second kiss. Too soon.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Too soon, dude. Picture of George Bush getting leaned over. There's been a second kiss. Okay, very funny and or silly. Uh all right, up next is gonna be Candon.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Everybody calm down with your applause. Everybody calm down, calm down. Okay. So Jack's first kiss was he was in second grade, and he's uh he was underneath the bleachers, you know, talking some game, chatting it up, you know, and then uh he and then he like got pushed into his crush by another kid, and they were like, You're married now. And then he stressed about the um the realities of marriage for a day.

SPEAKER_06 6:10

You stressed about the realities of marriage. That's actually funny, I'm it's recess rules, dude. Sorry. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

I want to go ahead and make this clear right now on the podcast that is 100% true, except that the girl was my friend, and they the school called my mother and said that I had committed a mortal sin for k for getting pushed into a friend of mine.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Well, I'm glad that the school sat you on the back on the straight and arrow, Candon. Uh could have been really bad. Thanks, school system. Thanks, school system. Alright, up next, Jacob.

SPEAKER_08 6:43

Uh hi, I'm Jacob. I play Samuel. Samuel's first kiss was with his previous partner, and he, you know, he's kind of he was he's kind of a shy, awkward guy then. And, you know, he kind of just let it go in his head for a while, and he he went for it, and he missed. You know. What do you mean he missed? He got a little bit of chin action, you know.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

So was it his lips to her chin, her lips to his nose type shit?

SPEAKER_08 7:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

Okay, got it. Sorry, continue.

SPEAKER_08 7:09

Did not go for the second one. The confidence was ruined. Uh, I don't expect a good rating. Man, okay.

SPEAKER_10 7:15

That's how mine and Jacob's first kiss went. Whoa.

SPEAKER_08 7:17

No, no, no, no, no, no. I I kissed her and she literally ruined her pants.

SPEAKER_10 7:24

Oh my god, that is not how it happened. Oh my god. That is ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

That's why Jacob, whenever whenever I kiss, I wear a red dot on my nose so I know where I'm gonna hit.

SPEAKER_10 7:35

No, Jacob actually was very sweet when we when we first kissed. He asked me if he could and everything. It was very sweet.

SPEAKER_08 7:41

Well, I want to kiss and I was like, I was like, is it okay if I kiss you? I did the same thing.

SPEAKER_10 7:45

I was like, duh. I've been I've been laying down the foundation, the groundwork that whole day.

SPEAKER_08 7:50

It works every time, 60% of the time.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Uh me as a real life human being uh in this world. Hi, I'm Jonathan Ransom. I'll be your DM this evening.

SPEAKER_06 7:59

Thanks, Jonathan.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Uh my first kiss, I was desperately attempting to save it for my wife, because I was like, whoever I kiss is the person I'm going to marry. As that would turn out, it didn't quite happen that way, thank God. I was 19 years old when I had my first kiss. And my my reaction was did not expect it to be to feel so squishy. That's how I would say. It feels I was like, that was way squishier than I would have thought. You spend your entire life, like, if you're really trying to, like, you know, I was really like, I'm never gonna have a kiss until it's the person, you know, the one I'm sure I'm gonna marry. Kissed her on the second date, by the way. Crazy, crazy shit.

SPEAKER_08 8:36

John, John, are we are we living the same life, dude? I feel like we've had every same experience. I was like, I can't taint my kissing powers for this. And then you do, you're like, ah, that didn't matter. That's exactly it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

In the last episode, everyone discussed plans for breaking into a castle. The king's castle. The what castle? The king's castle. Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I thought you said the kink castle's kind of what I thought.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

No, that's what I call my bedroom.

SPEAKER_08 9:12

Should we just restart?

SPEAKER_03 9:14

I mean, it's just No, I think we got some good momentum with that. You landed on a plan that included using a spell to make Gail look like food. Mmm. Food supply of some kind, so that she could sneak in and take a look around to the castle. Jack stayed behind to recover from a miscast spell. As you guys headed to go buy supplies for this plan, you came across the Church of Marcos. You decided to go in for service, but they would only let the women enter the church if they wore coverings on their heads because they are, and I quote, not superior beings. I didn't say that though. That was what they said. So the group split up, leaving Dan and Samuel to attend the service. Gail, Roz, Jeremy, and Stessica head into the market to buy some supplies for the mission ahead. In the service, you witnessed a preacher, a Terran-turned dove, that came through the portal with Samuel's group. He preached about being good workers and making babies and all that stuff. He also announced that one of the members of the church, the same man that you guys saw in the shopping district, was going to be ascended tonight, whatever that means. After the service neared its completion, a member of the Church of Nim, which was the old name for the Church of Marcos, before Marcos took over, was brought forth to be executed. He was gonna be put in the execution baptism tank, like held underwater to drown. And Dan stood up and quickly teleported the man out, and then he teleported him specifically 20 feet to the left of the church. But not without being detected by the captain of the guard who just cast a parallelism spell on Dan. Uh, and before we get to the saving throw for that, uh I would like to go on over to Jack, who has been left alone at the hotel. So, Jack, you are sleeping in this hotel room that smells weirdly of fish, and you are recovering. You've even as you were falling asleep, you felt a headache, you felt kind of icky, kind of gross, but you start feeling a very strange feeling rise up in you even as you're sleeping. You are experiencing all of these nightmares and all these memories in your dreams, in your sleep. You one of the nightmares is pretty rough and it actually wakes you up. You're having nightmares about your childhood, about your ex-girlfriend, and all these just kind of icky, nasty feelings, and you wake up, and this is the first thing you see. Okay, the first thing you see when your eyes open is that there is a trail of slime from the door to your mouth. Okay, it travels from the ground all the way up and to your mouth. And maybe you would investigate that more, but there's something else in your room that immediately catches your eye, uh, and that is that there is a person standing at the foot of your bed. A person you've never seen before. Uh hey. Oh, hello there. Your eyes adjust, and what you see is a apparently human but s but like short, your size, like small, human woman wearing goth clothes.

SPEAKER_10 12:02

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

And she is standing at the foot of your bed.

SPEAKER_10 12:05

What? What what is she doing dude?

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Hey. Hello there, how are you? Um I'm doing fine. I I pick up the cover and like just cover my chest. I'm like. Oh, do you mind if I sit down? She gestures kind of at the bed. Sure, sure. We're uh I wipe my mouth. We're uh we're um were you here the whole time?

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Oh no, I've been here just for a little bit. I saw you were you seemed rather distressed in your sleep.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Yeah. Nightmares will do that to you.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Um, I'm sorry. That's not good.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

It's all good. It's all good. Hey, you can't kill the player. You can only hurt the game.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

She gives a an earnest chuckle.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

She's like, yes, you're funny.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

But anyway, I am the the goddess of lizards. And I'm actually here today to talk to you about uh a mission that I I have for you. If you would be so interested. I was just curious if you could attempt to get your group to interact with Header and to do so in such a way as to gain more trust from him. Header to Owl, you know, Hedder?

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um weird. I don't think I should tell you, but I think it's gonna be a little bit more difficult than than originally thought. I mean, we can try it. We can definitely try it. What do you mean by that? We kinda got like a plan going on, like a like a little little thing going on. And um we're we're actually we're thinking about holding holding a like we're thinking about coming to the king with maybe like a proposition of like a um a special um um performance. Yeah, that that'll work. A special performance. Talent show kind of thing, you know.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

Well, I tell you what, you uh try to talk to Headard, and what I can offer in exchange, if you do manage to get close to him, uh would be I know the exact location of one of the trinkets that your group of one of the members of your group I know the exact location of it. And I would give you this information.

SPEAKER_10 14:25

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

It's the oh what's her name? The the white mouse traveling with you. I know where her the trinket is. Stessica? Yes, Jessica, that's her name. Yes. Okay. If if you find a way to get close to headed, believe it or not, it'll help Lizard Kind. You'll do be doing Lizard Kind a huge favor by doing this.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

What do you what do you want me to what do you want me to tell him? Do you like want me to say anything to him?

SPEAKER_03 14:48

I just want you to go be by him and see if you can earn his trust. If you can earn his trust, he might let you in on some secrets that lizard kind needs. Okay. Okay? Alright. Well, I think you should get right back to sleep and you should continue resting up. You have a big day ahead of you. And I will uh I will check in in time.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Alright, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Oh, and and Jack, let's try to keep this between us. I mean, the rest of your group, they might not quite they might not quite get it yet. But they'll get it later. So they'll they'll know later.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Okay. 100 150%. You can count on me.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

Alright. I know I can. Anyways, uh and she stops, she freezes, and her eyes are kinda like wide, and she like turns her head slightly to the side, and she's like, um, excuse me just a moment. Like, it it appears that a fellow um lizard of yours is in need of my assistance. Uh you go back to sleep, darling. Don't you worry. And she actually uh vanishes away, and it's kind of weird. You notice that like she vanishes away into a cloud of black feathers, but you know, who's to say about goddesses and how they travel and teleport? You know, it could just be the nature of the spell. But as it is maybe a weird thing that you might notice.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Is there a landline in my bedroom?

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Absolutely not, no.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Is do I have a magical way to talk to people?

SPEAKER_03 16:09

Uh I would say at this current moment in time, not really. You're just kind of in the hotel, you knew the general direction that everybody was headed in, and that's about it.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Have I rested enough?

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Uh, you have rested enough for what I will say is like one of the three D4s that you would get if you sleep more.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Okay, I'll go back to bed.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Okay. Okay, cool. You go back to sleep. Instead of cutting back to where the tension will be released, I want to cut to the alchemy store where Stezica, Gail, Roz, and Jeremy are hanging out. You guys actually went there seeking some form of a Coca-Cola adjacent drink for Jack and a healing potion for for Dan. So there's like all kinds of uh potions of neon color and glowing all over the place, bubbling. Some have smoke and mist coming out the top of them and kind of flowing down, and you hear coming from behind a uh like a counter.

SPEAKER_10 17:06

Yeah, Ros will approach the counter.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

Yeah, you uh look over the counter and you don't see her at first because she is very small. But then you're you're you catch you catch where she's at, you see her, and she's very short, a tiny little turtle, and she's got glasses, little circular glasses far down on her nose, and she is waddling back and forth behind the counter, mixing different elements in uh a jar.

SPEAKER_05 17:29

Oh, hello there! How are you?

SPEAKER_10 17:32

Yeah, hi, excuse me. I love you. I mean, um Oh, I love you too. Uh I was just wondering. Well, I got a couple things actually that I'm looking for, but do you do you know what Coca-Cola is? What?

SPEAKER_02 17:46

What is that?

SPEAKER_10 17:47

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking too, but uh, do you have any like brown-ish, dark brownish, like almost black fizzy liquid? Okay. That's like kind of sweet to the taste, but also tastes like battery acid a little bit. Oh, am I just stuff for you? Oh, awesome.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

She walks back and she comes out with a a glass bottle with uh red logo around it.

SPEAKER_05 18:08

And it we have some some Croca-Cola. Oh my god. We have Cocca-Cola, not whatever Coca-Cola is. I've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_10 18:17

No, Croca-Cola. I I honestly I'm kicking myself for not thinking thinking of that. Um yes. Can I have can I have a couple bottles of well how much is that actually?

SPEAKER_05 18:30

This one will run you ten peps a piece.

SPEAKER_10 18:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

Well They're very very weighty and spice price. You hear what I'm saying? Yeah. I hear spice price. Uh I'll take one of those. You'll take one.

SPEAKER_10 18:41

Yeah, just one. I don't I don't even really drink Croca-Cola like that.

SPEAKER_05 18:45

So okay, yes, of course. For friend. Friend is good, yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

She starts like writing on a piece of paper, like, okay, that will be ten pips on your tab. Is anything else for you?

SPEAKER_10 18:55

Yeah, I was uh also wondering if you had any healing potions here. And what kind of healing potions?

SPEAKER_05 19:00

Oh I love me a healing potion. Yes, I do. Let me take a gander. Think where my selection is. It'll be aisle three, just down that way. Okay, thanks. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_10 19:12

Roz is gonna go down aisle three.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

And then to the left side, it says healing spells, and there's quite a bit more, and they're more of a reddish hue. Uh and the healing spells are also quite a bit quite a bit less expensive. Like the restoration spells are pretty pressed.

SPEAKER_10 19:37

Okay, can I look at the restoration spells?

SPEAKER_03 19:40

A little uh blue mist fades in from above, and you see it take almost a holographic form of the turtle lady, and she goes, Oh, I see you have walked in front of this restoration alchemy shelf.

SPEAKER_05 19:54

Restoration spells will restore a person's strength, dexterity, and will that was lost in battle, or perhaps from the elements in an instant, and it's not easy to make, so don't try to steal it. You'll blow up. This is a pre-recorded message.

SPEAKER_10 20:15

This is so cute. How much are they?

SPEAKER_03 20:17

Uh the restoration spells are 200 pips a bottle.

SPEAKER_10 20:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

Fuck it.

SPEAKER_10 20:23

Okay. Um Raz is gonna like she like picks one up and looks at the price tag and sees how much it is and like flinches a little and then looks around, making sure nobody saw that, and puts it back.

SPEAKER_06 20:36

Okay, okay, okay. I thought you were gonna steal it. I was like, oh I didn't I was about to be so proud.

SPEAKER_10 20:43

You know, you ever you're ever checking a price tag at like, I don't know, you're Macy's or something. You're like, whoa.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Yeah, I gotta put that back.

SPEAKER_10 20:51

Yeah, that's not for me. This is this one wasn't made for me.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

Uh okay, yeah. So you walk over to the healing side of the shelf. Yes. The red colored potions are all in front of you. The pricing on these are they vary in size. At the top of the shelf is the smallest potions, and basically how that works is the smaller, the smallest potion will give you one d4 of health restoration, and that will run you for 20 pips.

SPEAKER_09 21:15

Oh, that's not bad.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

The next will be two d4, and that'll run you for 40 pips, so on and so forth. They go up to like 5d4, and it's just gonna increase by 20 pips every d4 you add. And that's what I will say.

SPEAKER_10 21:27

Okay, I think Roz would grab a 1d4 healing potion and a 2d4 healing potion.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 21:37

In addition to the Croca-Cola.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

And then after you start walking away, the hologram appears and she's like, I've seen you walk to the I've seen you walk to the I've seen you walk to the I've seen you walk to the And then the like lady goes like, Oh, damn it, hang out, I'm coming. Stupid thing, stupid thing, piece of garbage. And she's got like a broom, and it's like twice the length of her body, and she's like smacking it, like, stop, oh, I see you walk.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

To the healing potion shelf. Just ignore it, dear. It's it's fine. Just go to the counter. I got I'll get you written up. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

So she walks on over. Uh there's like stairs up to a chair that she can sit on so she can see over the counter and she like and she's up on there and she's like, okay, all right, your total will be 70 pips.

SPEAKER_05 22:26

70? 70 pips, yep. That doesn't I mean that doesn't add up, does it? Ten pips for the croca-cola. 20 pips for the one D4 healing potion.

SPEAKER_10 22:36

I thought that was 10 pips.

SPEAKER_05 22:38

40 pips for the two D4 healing potions.

SPEAKER_10 22:41

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa no, no. I just want one of each of those.

SPEAKER_05 22:45

Okay. So you want one Croco, you only have one of each D. I don't know. Oh, you said I thought you said two of the the two D4. No, it's one two D4 big it's like a bigger bigger healing potion.

SPEAKER_10 23:00

You know what? That's fine. That's fine. 70 pips, that's totally fine. I can do that.

SPEAKER_05 23:04

Yeah, I would say it's a pretty fair price. How does this me though? No, I I trust you.

SPEAKER_10 23:09

You know this.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Okay, then get a load of this one. Hey guy, look at this. And she like reaches like a little bit too far and she presses a button and a hologram goes up and it's like, ha ha, that was a good one! And then it disappears. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 23:22

I got that put in when I'm alone and I make a zing, a real zinger. You want one? You I can make one for you. It'll cost like two hundred pips, but Yeah, I no, I can't.

SPEAKER_10 23:34

I don't have that kind of money, but that I I would love to see you again.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

Oh yes, please come back anytime. My name is Allie. Allie the alchemist.

SPEAKER_10 23:43

That makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_05 23:44

My original name was Gertrude, but I changed it to fit the sign better. Rolls off the tongue better. Allie, I I love you. What about you, my dear? Is there anything else for you? Was there anything I can do for you?

SPEAKER_09 23:56

She says to Gail. No, no, I'm okay. I was I'm just looking.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

It's alright. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 24:01

Alright, well then then you'll get this button. And she presses a button and another hologram of her appears, and it's like, well, you may have not spent any money here, but you sure are a pretty pretty girl.

SPEAKER_09 24:12

And then it disappears.

SPEAKER_05 24:13

Because you're a real pretty girl.

SPEAKER_09 24:15

Did you ask me that just so you could press the button?

SPEAKER_05 24:18

No. No.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

And she's like closing a drawer that's got like 50 buttons in it.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

I wouldn't do that, no. I just did it because I thought you're you're a real pretty girl. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, okay, dear?

SPEAKER_09 24:30

That is so sweet. And also, what would you have pressed if I was ugly?

SPEAKER_05 24:34

Oh, hey, that's what this one's for. And then she presses a button and it's like, damn, you ugly.

SPEAKER_08 24:40

Oh my god. Dude. I'm trying to get Samuel to meet Allie, dude. I got I gotta- I can feel that would be the rest of the episode. It's very important you don't let this happen.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

I have to survive just a little longer.

SPEAKER_05 24:54

Oh, and what about you? Oh dear!

SPEAKER_03 24:56

And you guys look over your shoulder to see that Stessica is stumbling around and like she kind of like falls on the ground for a second.

SPEAKER_09 25:03

Oh Gail would rush over and try and catch her.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

Uh, would you give like a deck save to get underneath her in time? Why'd you gotta say it like that?

SPEAKER_10 25:11

Get underneath her in time?

SPEAKER_03 25:12

I need you to do me a favor, Gail. Gail.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Stop. God damn it.

SPEAKER_09 25:19

Well, maybe you don't want me to do a favor. And let's see how good I roll first.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Oh, Dratz.

SPEAKER_09 25:26

I got a 16.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

You kinda grab her as she hits the ground. But you're there by her. Well, that's that's good enough. And she's like, oh my god, what the hell? Sorry, I just Are you okay? What happened? I just I don't know. I felt like really weird for a second there. And like it was like it was I don't know, it was just like it was like somebody else was like in my head or something. Say more right now.

SPEAKER_09 25:50

Do we need to get you to a doctor or something?

SPEAKER_03 25:52

It just I don't know, it just it felt like someone was rooting around in my feelings and like in my memories and stuff. Like it was just really weird. And then Jeremy's like, oh, oh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Hang on, guys, hang on. And he pulls out his little book and he like waddles over in his big armor. Right, okay, um, yeah. So I got a book um on trinkets, right? The trinkets and why we've been having seizures and all that stuff is actually really connected to that. It seems like the trinkets are kind of tied to the souls, right? Like they they're tied to our souls with with powerful memories or feelings or whatever. And uh it's not like it they're feelings and stuff that aren't easy to like let go, so as long as the feeling or memory is held on to, then then the trinket ties the being to whatever realm they're currently in. So you can only walk through a portal with the trinket if the trinket, or unless you have to like lose the memory or the feeling or whatever, right? Uh but to prevent the Terran's us from being able to retrieve our trinkets easily, this is the bad guy, the scary guy that we talked about, right? The his name is Vampire Lord Killian. He creates like a spectral temple within like a black hole point that looks kind of like like a domain expansion from jujitsu Kaisen. And basically we'll have to like go through a thing that's like a like a dungeon of our memories and stuff to be able to get them get get our get our trinkets back, basically. I think the seizures are whenever he finishes building a temple, it's like you have a seizure as it like locks in to place. Those of us who have had seizures already, it's like the dungeon has been made and it's all done. So that's what that is.

SPEAKER_09 27:26

That was a lot of exposition.

SPEAKER_10 27:28

Awesome. Hey, maybe I'm the only one, but uh a temple of all of my memories is my literal nightmare, guys.

SPEAKER_03 27:36

The hologram appears behind and it's just the turtle lady, and she's like, What the hell are you talking about, boy?

SPEAKER_05 27:43

She's like, I use that one more than all the other ones, believe it or not. A lot of multi-purpose use there. My passion was hologram creating, but my dad said there wasn't enough money in it.

SPEAKER_08 27:55

Dude, Josh.

SPEAKER_10 27:57

You have to stop with this character. I everything she says.

SPEAKER_08 28:00

I want her so bad. I'm really glad that's a good sign. No, this is Jacob. This isn't Samuel.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Okay, this is you, Jay. Okay, but as you guys are are sitting there and kind of having this conversation, you actually see and hear guards running behind you outside towards back where you guys just came from.

SPEAKER_10 28:22

Uh shit. Do you um are we all done here, guys? Are we good? Should we go back?

SPEAKER_09 28:28

I think so. Gail would Gailwood helps Desica to her feet and try and get her moving.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Yeah, she gets up and she's starting to feel better already, and the camera flies out and follows one of the guards as he runs and goes way ahead of him. To a moment, uh, a few moments ago, Dan, would you please roll me a D20 will save. Oh my god! Alright.

SPEAKER_10 28:59

Good luck.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

I rolled a two. Let's fucking go crazy work. Okay. So what happened is the captain of the guard cast paralyze on you. At the same time, you realize that he was the pale mask bird that stole Gail's trinket back when you guys first arrived here. That's what happened at the end of last episode. So you having just had that revelation, you just managed to fight off a very familiar parallelism spell that he did cast on you earlier. You take a step back, and he's like, We don't gotta do this hard, Dan. Just come with me to the station.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Listen, man, you're the one who fucked up here, not me. Either I can leave and we can pretend this never happened. I won't say anything if you don't, or we're gonna have to uh get a little rough. I have never been afraid of getting a little rough.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Come on, yo. Alright. D D, would you go ahead and roll initiative, please?

SPEAKER_10 29:50

D, what dice are you using?

SPEAKER_03 29:51

I'm using the duck dice.

SPEAKER_10 29:53

Hell yeah! That's what I hoped. I hoped you were using the duck. The new ones?

SPEAKER_03 29:56

The new ones. I rolled an eight that time, by the way. Okay, you got an eight. Samuel, inside you you hear you hear members of the church starting to look back at cause somebody just cast a spell in public. That's kind of nuts. So if you would like to get engaged in this whole deal, would you roll me an initiative roll as well? With disadvantage, though, because you're sitting down. So roll two and take the higher of the two. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Sam Daddy, come help me.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Uh a 19 and a 20.

SPEAKER_08 30:22

Oh my god. Oh my god, dude! I didn't hear a thing. No, take your time.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

First up on the initiative, the captain. D. Uh he gets two moves. So he gets one attack and one of his spells. Okay. So he is going to fly up to you, pulling out a stun baton, and he is going to try to smack you with it. Okay. He pulls out this thing, it sparks with electricity. Uh, and that's gonna do five damage to you.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

I didn't even get a chance to parry either. That would have been perfect. This is an opportunity for you to use parry.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

I would love to use parry.

SPEAKER_10 30:56

Parry the platypus? Sorry. A platypus?

SPEAKER_03 31:01

So good. Uh go ahead and roll a D4D and tell me what you get. I rolled a one. So he rolled a five, you parried it a little bit, and then also I forgot you do have armor on. So you decrease it by another one. You take three damage from that hit.

SPEAKER_10 31:15

Not bad.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

So the next thing he's gonna do is attempt to cast a spell. So he's going to use Paralyze again. Let me roll and see if he uses a slot.

SPEAKER_10 31:24

It's kind of basic.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

So go ahead and make a a will save and see if you can beat your will. Oh, that's not good. I rolled a 15.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Okay. So you feel your body uh seize up, which basically just kind of means uh he's going to get to take a second turn. So he's going to once again hit you with his stun baton. So you're gonna go ahead and take five damage from that hit on your HP. And then he is going to cast the spell magic missile. He is going to shoot a couple of uh magic bolts into your side. That is going to do five damage to you, uh, minus one, so four damage.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

John, if you're gonna bend me over the table, at least try and body first.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

This is this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Okay. Wait, shit! You did not get a turn, Samuel. So thanks, John. You get a turn before he gets to do that, and I'll just have him save that turn. Uh and now if you'll turn your attention to the screen.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Ooh, we got a three. Not a prepared.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Alright, so Dan is standing out in the middle of the street, and then inside of this building to Dan's right is the church. And inside the building is Samuel, and he's sitting down in a crowd of people. Uh, what would you like to do? You're right about there. You're inside the church. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_08 32:43

I have the time bomb. That is true, yeah. Can I do a a delay time, like a like a 10-second delay, and throw it as far as I can? At the captain or uh like off in the distance, like far away.

SPEAKER_03 32:57

Which direction? Are you talking like into the church?

SPEAKER_08 32:59

Into the Yeah, maybe like towards like the front of the stage area. Right.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

That's crazy, dude. Okay, yeah. Uh okay, what are you grabbing? Like a pamphlet or something off of like the front of the pew? Yeah, like a like a yeah, like a Bible book, whatever is like up front, you know. You you grab the book of Marcos and it's just a picture of him, and he's got like a black turtleneck on, and he's like he's hitting that pose where he's got two fingers pointed up together, except they're feathers, because he's like a pig, uh, a dove. Yeah, you like you cast the spell in this book and you could you give me a strength safe to see to make sure you don't throw it into the crowd of people?

SPEAKER_07 33:33

Well, sacrifices have to be made.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

I got a two. Oh, that's good. Okay. You throw it all the way up onto stage, it immediately some guy like runs up and tackles Marcus to the ground, like, Your holiness, get down! Ah, I'm fine, don't worry about it. Game of Discord mod. Okay, uh, you have heavy armor. So it's gonna decrease your speed by one, so that means you're gonna move 11 spaces with speed I am speed. So so you, as an old man, are moving like wicked fast. Like, but the distraction of throwing the book is enough to kind of keep people's eyes off of you, but I will tell you, uh, as you exit, the captain does see you. Uh, and he's going to make a roll to see if he recognizes you as Samuel or if he just sees the old man costume.

SPEAKER_08 34:20

I don't get a chance to sell it.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

No, but also he uh didn't recognize you. You the the difficulty set for Samuel's disguise was nine, he rolled a ten. So you didn't narrowly avoid being recognized. He sees you run out though, and he's immediately suspicious, but he's still pretty focused in on Dan. So he uses magic missile and his stun attack on his turn, which is next. Dan and Samuel, would you guys both make will saves, please?

SPEAKER_08 34:50

I got an eight. I got a six.

SPEAKER_03 34:52

So you guys both hear chains clinking against the ground from the the left of the church. You hear tung, tung, chung, tung. And when you turn, you see the priest of Nim, who is shackled at his hands and feet, is hopping full speed towards you, and he will be here at the end of the next turn. But the captain of the guard also notices this. Up next is going to be Dan. Well, can I even move? Because I got paralyzed, right? Yeah. Holy cow. Go ahead and roll another will save to um not be paralyzed. I rolled a six. You rolled a six, that is a success. So you manage to shake it off and like you feel like this. It's like it's like shaking, you know, like the sleepiness out of a limb when a lim a limb falls asleep. It literally feels like that, but through your whole body, you manage to push it out with the power of your mind. And you stumble about a second, but now you're here and you're ready. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Okay. Um He's like he's right in my face, right?

SPEAKER_03 35:47

Yeah, he's literally right by you.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

I mean, I probably don't have enough time to like whip out my sword real quick. Not that one. I gotta cloak. Grab my sword and stab.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Your your flame greatsword is prepared. So you could you could use it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Can I just whack him over the head with it? Because I'm not trying to kill him. Kill him. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

You can just roll a d10 and you're clarifying that you don't want to do lethal damage. So you're hitting him with like the flat of the blade.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:13

So go ahead and roll a d10 of damage, please. I rolled a three. That's a huge bummer, but that's still good. That is a very big bummer. Alright, so he gets smacked upside the head, and you can tell it hurts him a little bit. You see uh one of the spell tablets lights up a little bit, um, and it does decrease the damage by a minute amount. So you use your turn to hit him. Do you want to make any movement? I'll just I'll just run towards Samuel specifically. Would you like to be to like his left, right, behind him? Where would you like to be? Um I'll just be like to his left. Alright, and that will be the end of your turn. Up next will be Samuel. Um so what what was the what was the the priest's name? Uh the priest's name, they didn't say, they just said he was a priest of the Church of Nim, which is like what the Church of Marcos used to be before it was kind of hostily taken over by uh Marcos.

SPEAKER_08 37:03

Who did you give the Discord mod voice to then?

SPEAKER_03 37:06

That would be Marcos. Oh that. So the priest running towards you was a guy who was captured and tried to they tried to execute him. And Dan teleported him away, and now he's sprinting, he's hopping back towards the fight.

SPEAKER_09 37:17

Reminds me of that movie Hopper. It was such a good movie.

SPEAKER_04 37:24

No more.

SPEAKER_08 37:25

When I run out there, can I just be like, help, help?

SPEAKER_07 37:28

It's some some handsome man threw a bomb in the center of the stage. You must go A quickly.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Please roll me a will save with disadvantage.

SPEAKER_08 37:41

I got a one.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

Oh my god, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

And then a 16. And he's like, just stay where stay right where you are, old man. Just stay right there. Be careful. He's dangerous. He's like yelling, he's like, get away from that guy. Don't stay right there. Get away from that guy.

SPEAKER_07 37:56

Oh god, is is he a criminal? No. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 37:59

This motherfucker is lying.

SPEAKER_07 38:01

Will you protect me?

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Alright, yes, I'll protect you. Just get away from him. Can I like run to behind him? Behind the guy to protect you? Yeah. Yeah, you can use your movement to run behind. I'm gonna say you used your action to speak to him. You have plenty of speed with the move the speed thing. You get behind this captain and he's like, just stay back, sir.

unknown 38:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

Cool. Alright, is that the end of your turn? Uh, yes, for now. The captain of the guard pulls out a whistle and he blows it, and a rune lights up on it. It's super loud. It sends like like physical ripples in the air out. And then after he takes his lips off of it, he says, Terran Crow, his name Dan, has access at least to the spell teleport, is carrying a flame sword. What the fuck? He drops the whistle. That will be his entire turn.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

That's kind of baller. Bird on bird crime is the problem here too. Y'all fucking suck. No.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Bird on bird crime.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

What, is it because I'm a crow that we're having this issue? Actually, how it is. I have my body cam off.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

He just he reaches up and cuts it off.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

He spends his turn deactivating his body cam. No. It is currently Dan's turn.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

I'll just kind of glance at Samuel for a second and then I guess just writing my sword because I don't know what else to do in this moment.

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Do you want to try to just are you just trying to prepare an attack or what are you are you just trying to like prepare if anybody comes near you, you're gonna make an attack? Like what's the go- what's the goal with the turn?

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, pre prepare for like if anybody gets near me, I'm just gonna attack.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

Okay, so from now on, if anybody moves within five feet of you, that isn't an ally, they you can make an attack at them immediately, okay? Okay, that works. So up next, Samuel, you are currently behind the captain of the guard.

SPEAKER_08 39:46

Can Damula uh he he like gets on his hands and knees, like I'm I'm so scared. Greg, can I use my time bomb attack on like his boot?

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Wait, actually, speaking of that, at the beginning of your turn, your time bomb does go off in the church. So on the stage it explodes. So huge explosion in the church has just happened, and I would say he's pretty damn distracted by the giant explosion. I'll give you advantage on whatever it is you're about to do.

SPEAKER_08 40:10

Okay, can I s can I smack him in the back of the head with like the club end of my my sword?

SPEAKER_03 40:15

So, what I will say is that this will be there's this thing in uh Mouse River called encumbered or enhanced. So when you're rolling in in such a way that it's like such a good chance of success, you roll a D12 of damage instead of whatever your normal stat is. Or if you were encumbered, you would roll a D4 instead. So go ahead and roll a D12 of damage because you're smacking him on the back of the head and he is completely uh unprepared. I got an eight. Oh! And he like stumbles forward and he's like, you. And I'm gonna give him another will save to see if he recognizes you now. He does not. Still, he does not recognize you. He got even worse than last time. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 40:52

Oh my god, I thought I thought you were the bad guy. Oh shit. Oh my hold, you you snuck up on me. You snuck up on me.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

Um, hang on, can you roll a disadvantaged will save? Because I feel like that hurt really bad. Uh a 12 and a two. Yep, no, it doesn't cut it. So he's like, get on the ground and I won't hurt you, is what he says to you.

SPEAKER_07 41:13

Uh oh, okay, my I I'm so sorry, sir.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

I get I get on like all fours.

SPEAKER_07 41:19

Okay, cool. You get on all fours. I'm submissive.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

So I would say you also managed to distract him enough that he was unable to prepare as a monk comes rushing up to him, or what appears to be a priest or a monk or whatever, and he's just hopping, hopping, hopping. So this guy runs up and like double kicks him with both feet. Damn, okay. Uh but he gets knocked back a little bit and he's like, ugh. The monk says to him, You're outmatched. Give in. And he's like, No. Here's what he's gonna do. He is going to sheath his stun baton and he's going to uh start flying. He is going to fly up and back away from everybody.

SPEAKER_07 42:01

Wait, save me!

SPEAKER_03 42:02

He like flies straight back and he is now flying so that he's not being flanked by these three people.

SPEAKER_07 42:08

Take me with you.

SPEAKER_03 42:09

So, and now that was his movement. He is going to triple cast the spell paralyze. To try to paralyze all three of you guys. Oh shit, okay. So he casts the spell, but it does hurt his head really bad. Like you can tell, like he's like he winces as he casts it. He was pushing his limits a little bit. Everybody is going to make a will save. Dan, Samuel, and this monk. So you guys all make will saves. The monk manages to shake it off. Oh gotta roll to 13. So you are paralyzed again. Fuck.

SPEAKER_08 42:40

I did I got a 17.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

Okay, you are also paralyzed. I was innocent. And he calls out to everybody, he's like, let's all just calm down a minute. My reinforcements are on the way. You guys have no shot. You attacked me first. You're paralyzed. So you say it more like you're like, you attacked me. That's mean.

SPEAKER_09 42:58

You attacked me first. You're mean.

SPEAKER_03 43:01

Yeah, that's right. I'm a mean DM, Isaiah. You guys weren't here when he was getting into character for being mean earlier.

SPEAKER_09 43:07

He just berated me for like 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

It's true. Isaiah jumped on the call and I was just like, look at who's here. This soy boy betac. Mr. Stinky. Dan, you feel that feeling of like electricity and but all your limbs are asleep all at once, and then you feel the presence of a very uh becoming more and more familiar presence of Anand.

SPEAKER_04 43:30

Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

Um you do not know where she is. If she's here, she has not become a vis like visible to you yet, but she it's more that you feel a whisper in your like heart that she says, speak my name. Anand, help. Immediately you feel the parallelism spell snap off. And he's like, What? How? Like in anime, when they go, What? How can I call for Stessica? You uh one What I'm gonna do basically is you get one cast of an ability that is gifted to you from Anand, and you can tell like this wasn't her making the pact with you or nothing. It wasn't the deal. It was just that she's gonna help you out this one time. So she's gonna give you one cast of this uh Anand Crow ability called Eldridge Blast. Oh fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:19

God damn.

SPEAKER_03 44:20

You feel this dark black black with like white energy along the outside, like the Darksaber from the Mandalorian and from the Clone Wars. And you feel it shoot out of you. Uh go ahead and roll a d12 of damage, please. I rolled an eight. When you hit him, Dan, his right leg blasts.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

Injury table.

SPEAKER_03 44:44

Fuck yeah. Whoa, a leg for a leg. Absolute you absolutely zap him, and he goes flying off onto the ground, uh, unconscious, and he is bleeding profusely. A Nand whispers in your ear, use the armor, leave the others, fly from here. Go.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Dan would proceed to do exactly that. No questions asked, no thoughts given, simply leaps. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

So your armor activates your ability to fly, because you have the armor of flight. Whoa. And you are going to use today's one and only charge to fly for one minute. Where would you probably be headed? Just I just want to fly into the forest. You could yeah, you could fly uh southeast, over the wall, past the area where Gail had ran away and hidden that alleyway. You fly past that, past the great wall of Pine Hill, uh, and into the forest. Then you feel your armor starting to turn off and you land out in the woods. Samuel, there is a crowd quickly gathering, but would you go ahead and roll a luck save, please? Uh, I got a nine. You manage to kind of slip back into the crowd, and you actually look over and notice that that's Jessica, Jeremy, Gail, and Roz are are pulling up on the scene now. Okay. And to the rest of you guys, this is the scene you see. You see a monk standing with his hands in the air above his head, and he is shackled at his hands and feet. And guards are rapidly approaching from around the corner in the distance towards him. You see the captain of the guard laying on the ground without a leg. He's smoking, and there's blood pouring out of a missing foot. And you see a crowd of people just looking around like crazy. Like being like, What the hell is happening here? And I feel like the people in the crowd would start approaching the captain of the guard and trying to like cover up his wounds and stuff.

SPEAKER_09 46:32

Okay, Gail would see Samuel there. She would go, Grandpa, and rush to him and like grab him, be like, We got we gotta get you out of here. This is this isn't safe for you. Okay. And and try and swiftly take him away from the location. Oh yeah. Okay. And then whisper, like, what what's what's going on here?

SPEAKER_07 46:48

As they're like walking to Samuel's like, oh my, what what has happened here?

SPEAKER_08 46:53

And then he's gonna like he's gonna lean into Gail and he's gonna be like, we gotta get the fuck out of here. Say less. Samuel's just gonna try and stay nonchalant, like Mosey, like, I guess we better just keep moving, huh?

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Okay. I feel like you guys move pretty well and unbothered, just considering that nobody really knows directly what happened. It was pretty crazy. The only attack Samuel made against this guy was done right after the explosion. I feel like everyone was pretty focused on that. No one's gonna notice a punch after a bomb went off on stage.

SPEAKER_08 47:20

Huge bomb.

SPEAKER_03 47:20

A huge bomb. The biggest bomb. And then uh, as you're walking away, Samuel, you notice that very coolly, looking over his shoulder, he just gives a nod. The monk looks at you.

SPEAKER_09 47:31

Can you do that pose again real quick?

SPEAKER_08 47:35

Samuel also poses against a wall and goes.

SPEAKER_04 47:44

That's so funny, dude.

SPEAKER_03 47:46

Okay. That's too good. Poor basket. Yeah, you where are you guys headed?

SPEAKER_09 47:50

Uh duck into like an alley a little a little ways away. Mm-hmm. No direction, just just get out of there.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

You guys see several wooden golems running in that direction. They're pretty big. They're like about three times your height. Wow. Carrying massive weapons. You see a flying golem with spinning propellers.

SPEAKER_09 48:09

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 48:10

It looks like a wooden remote control helicopter, basically. Um, and it's carrying a smaller golem underneath it as it surveys below and it's flying over different city areas. Um, seems like the commotion's pretty on. Like when he blew that whistle, it was like he was calling in the big guns. You guys are in this alleyway. What are you what are you doing in the alleyway?

SPEAKER_09 48:27

Samuel, catch us up. What just happened?

SPEAKER_07 48:29

Long long story short, somebody threw a bomb. Blew the place up.

SPEAKER_09 48:33

No way.

SPEAKER_07 48:34

Yeah, blew it, blew it up.

SPEAKER_10 48:36

Uh this happened during the ceremony?

SPEAKER_03 48:38

Stessica walks up and grabs your head and like presses it to her chest, and she's like, Are you okay?

SPEAKER_08 48:44

Samuel's gonna blush. I'm okay now.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

Okay. I'm just I'm just gonna hold you for a second just till I feel okay.

SPEAKER_08 48:51

Stessica, we can't we we can't we can't we can't get caught by these guys. They mean they're the real deal.

SPEAKER_10 48:56

Get a room, you two.

SPEAKER_03 48:58

They already did. Okay. Jeremy's like, where's Dan? Where's Dan, man? Where is he?

SPEAKER_10 49:04

Yeah, where is Dan?

SPEAKER_08 49:05

I like huddle everybody together. I'm like, we we got into a we got into a fight, alright? Dan, we both got paralyzed. Dan somehow blew his leg off.

SPEAKER_10 49:14

His other leg?

SPEAKER_08 49:16

He blew the guard's leg off. Clean off, exploded. Oh. And I don't know what was going on with him, how he did it or what, but he somehow flew off. I don't know where, he didn't say anything, he just left.

SPEAKER_10 49:28

Dan flew off, not the captain of the guard?

SPEAKER_08 49:30

No, Dan.

SPEAKER_10 49:31

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

Sounds like the captain of the guard's leg flew off, though. Am I right? That's not funny.

SPEAKER_08 49:38

Jeremy, precisely.

SPEAKER_10 49:39

That's not the thing we're goating.

SPEAKER_03 49:41

We gotta find Dan immediately. We do. We gotta find that guy. He's we just I I just don't want to lose Dan. He's he's the best.

SPEAKER_10 49:47

Yeah, I just bought all these healing potions and a Croca-Cola for him with his own pip.

SPEAKER_08 49:52

So we gotta find him. What did what did you guys do while we were gone?

SPEAKER_10 49:56

We went shopping. I picked up some nice clothes for everyone.

SPEAKER_08 50:01

You did what?

SPEAKER_10 50:02

Um You knew that we were gonna go do that. We have the ball coming up.

SPEAKER_08 50:05

Did you not hear the bomb blow up, Roz?

SPEAKER_10 50:07

Uh No, I didn't, because I was at the store.

SPEAKER_09 50:10

Uh sitting on the bench.

SPEAKER_08 50:12

I was over on the bench. You know, you know what, Gail, that actually makes a lot of sense, I understand. Sorry.

SPEAKER_10 50:20

Thanks.

SPEAKER_09 50:20

Thank you. Glad you understand.

SPEAKER_10 50:23

Samuel, I feel like there's some animosity between us. I don't know what happened there. Is it because I didn't because I didn't fork over pips when you had them? At bug?

SPEAKER_08 50:32

No, I it's alright though. You're cheap. That's not that's not the problem.

SPEAKER_10 50:36

Oh okay.

unknown 50:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 50:40

What what is what is our next move? What's our what's our next action?

SPEAKER_09 50:44

I think we need to find Dan. Which direction did he fly off into?

SPEAKER_03 50:49

If I'm like paralyzed on the ground, would I do I even Yeah, if you're paralyzed on the ground looking up, maybe Yeah, because after after he got knocked out, uh the captain of the guard, the parallelism spell would have dropped. So what I'll say is roll a will save to see if you saw which direction Dan flew off in.

SPEAKER_08 51:04

I'm like, I heard his wings flap west. You heard them.

SPEAKER_03 51:07

That's funny.

SPEAKER_08 51:07

I got a four.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

You would know that he flew south.

SPEAKER_08 51:11

Samuel's gonna like put his head back on uh Stessica's chest. She pets your head.

SPEAKER_09 51:16

You poor thing. He motorboats her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 51:19

I I believe he went southeast. I think it was near where Gail had her incident.

SPEAKER_09 51:24

Okay, then uh let's go that direction.

SPEAKER_03 51:26

Onward. So you guys will have to pass quite a bit of the popo to go that direction. Is that still a thing you would like to do?

SPEAKER_08 51:34

Uh yeah, we should be. I mean, I feel like we should all be clear. I mean, nobody needs to.

SPEAKER_10 51:38

No, I don't think we should do that. If Samuel gets recognized by any of the guard, we are screwed.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

But he's in the old man disguise. You did buy Samuel a new disguise. Oh, that's so if you wanted to change disguise and re-roll for disguise. Roz, I've been rolling really good. You also participated, I think, in Jer uh in Jack's Feast. If you didn't, you can clarify that. But if you did have some of it, you can add a D4 to whatever that disguise roll would be. If you want to switch what disguise he has on, but it is up to you.

SPEAKER_10 52:09

Okay. Guys, I got a new disguise for um for our friend. Do we should we do that or do we, you know, hang out with old reliable?

SPEAKER_09 52:17

I mean, it could it couldn't hurt to switch disguises and start moving towards Dan.

SPEAKER_10 52:21

What did we dress him in? Like, what is actual disguise?

SPEAKER_08 52:25

I was gonna make him like this uh prestigious, like kind of old school. I feel like maybe like a like a peaky blinders kind of fit, you know, like suspenders, kind of done up a little bit.

SPEAKER_10 52:37

Oh, like a 1920.

SPEAKER_08 52:39

What's that children's book with a detective mouse? Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 52:43

You're talking about the Great Mouse Detective right now?

SPEAKER_09 52:46

Oh my god, it is. That's yeah. Okay, that's actually funny. Homeschooler boy already knew. I fuck with the great mouse detective.

SPEAKER_08 52:52

Yes, dude. I would picture like suspenders, yeah, maybe a little bit of like a trenched kind of draped coat, you know.

SPEAKER_03 52:58

Please roll uh for disguise every uh Who's who's rolling? I feel like it would be Roz would be making the disguise, probably.

SPEAKER_10 53:06

No, not again. Last time I only rolled nine.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

To subtract another D4 from the difficulty.

SPEAKER_10 53:15

I want to do that. Dude. I got a nine.

SPEAKER_03 53:20

No way! That's crazy. Do you want to add the D4 as well?

SPEAKER_10 53:25

Uh yes, I would like to add the D4.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

Please do.

SPEAKER_10 53:29

I got a four.

SPEAKER_03 53:30

Oh, hell yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's really awesome. So the difficulty to recognize him in this disguise is a five. Yes!

SPEAKER_10 53:38

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Okay, that is four better than the last one. So that's good. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 53:42

Can you show me the can you show me the new voice real quick?

SPEAKER_08 53:45

My name is Connor Smouse. It's like Mouse, but with an S.

SPEAKER_10 53:49

Connor Smouse?

SPEAKER_08 53:50

Connor Smouse is the name.

SPEAKER_10 53:52

And I'm gonna have to call you Connor.

SPEAKER_08 53:54

Smouse. Mr. Smouse.

SPEAKER_10 53:56

Don't wear it out.

SPEAKER_03 53:58

She's like Connors. What are you doing later?

SPEAKER_08 54:01

I'm trying to find a Miss Miss Smouse.

SPEAKER_03 54:03

I just happen to be in the market.

SPEAKER_10 54:09

Don't let them flirt against me.

SPEAKER_03 54:11

Don't make me stop. Well, what is what is your name find, lady? Well, it's not important what it is, but I can tell you what it's gonna be.

unknown 54:19

Oh?

SPEAKER_06 54:19

What? Oh my god, dude. He's getting me, dude.

SPEAKER_04 54:23

He's getting me.

SPEAKER_03 54:26

Okay. Uh so while that conversation is happening, the disguise is made. You guys head south towards the direction in which Dan was headed, and I would like to zoom back in uh with Dan as just as his armor is running out of its flight charge and he lands in the woods. So, Dan, you have just kind of landed in the woods and you can hear the yelling and you can start to hear these remote control wooden helicopters flying over the city and lots of yelling of guards and stuff. What are you doing right now?

SPEAKER_00 54:56

Dan would like uh I guess land on yeah, on a on a branch in like as much cover as possible in the tree line.

SPEAKER_03 55:02

Uh yeah, you land up in that branch where the branch meets the trunk of the tree. Crow feathers grow out of the side and out walks Anand and she's speedwalking towards you. So Dan's like, you know, panting. He looks over at her and he's like, what the hell was that? And then before you could finish that, I was waiting for you to say it. She like interrupts you with the what the hell when you're like, what the hell is and then she hugs you and she like holds you. Deep breath. What happened?

SPEAKER_00 55:28

What was that? What was that blast? What was that? What?

SPEAKER_03 55:31

It was just me helping. It's just one use of my a little bit of my power. It's out of you now, it's not in you anymore. It's okay. What do I do now? Just Jason, calm down a second. It's alright. I'm here. What do I do now? I can't go back. Just I don't worry about it for now. I think we should try to get you reunited with your group. It's dangerous for any kind of a critter to be by themselves here.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

Well, where am I supposed to go? I can't go back. I don't have any way of getting back without being discovered.

SPEAKER_03 55:59

They're everywhere. Do you know if anyone saw you leave? I honestly have no clue. Dan, I'm going to help you find your friends. And I will give a blessing even if they don't realize to whoever makes you a disguise. Just tell them to make you a disguise. Try to hide the fact that you're a crow. There's not a lot of uh crows in the area. And ultimately, you were going to be having to leave Appledale anyways. You were going to be at odds with the law anyways. Like it just happened now instead of later. So what where do you where should I go for now? Let me see your hand. Okay. She uh she sits down and she's like, I have a way of keeping an eye on your friends, so I will I will wait until they're somewhere safe and then I'll take you to them. Okay? Okay.

unknown 56:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 56:49

And then I'm gonna help them make you a disguise, and it's gonna be okay. Okay. Alright. You guys both sit on the branch. She leans her head against your head and just kind of like caresses the back of your head, making sure that you are calm. And uh she waits until the group is in a safer location. So coming back to the group, you guys have just kind of hit the southeasternmost wall of the the the city of Pine Hill, exactly in the alleyway where Gail had her panic attack before, and you do not currently see Dan. So what would you guys like to do next?

SPEAKER_10 57:25

I I mean I say we better keep looking, probably.

SPEAKER_03 57:28

So you've hit kind of the end of your general lead that you had. Where would you guys like to try and look next?

SPEAKER_10 57:33

What direction was he going in?

SPEAKER_03 57:35

He was headed south east towards the wall, and you've kind of reached the wall, so you're kinda at the end of the rope. And also I would say it's starting to get to be dusk out. And it seems like things are kind of calming down with guards and with wooden golems and stuff, but it seems still a little a little tense in the city.

SPEAKER_10 57:52

Guys, I mean do we keep just going straight southwest if that's the direction that um Mr. Smouse saw him going?

SPEAKER_08 58:00

The name's Connor Smouse. It's like Mouse, but with an S.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

I love that fucking smirk. So there's a wall in your way. What would you guys like to do about the wall?

SPEAKER_10 58:09

Can we climb the wall?

SPEAKER_03 58:10

I think I should blow it up.

SPEAKER_10 58:11

Well, also, what about Jack? Like, are we going to get him or are we trusting that he's gonna come find us?

SPEAKER_08 58:18

Oh shit, I forgot about him. That is a good question.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

I mean, you guys kind of left him to sleep for the next, like, he's still got another like eight hours of sleeping planned.

SPEAKER_08 58:28

So okay.

SPEAKER_03 58:29

I think you guys was a tired boy, I guess.

SPEAKER_10 58:31

Honksh me honks. Do you guys want to camp here and one of us scouts ahead? Or two of us perhaps scout ahead?

SPEAKER_08 58:38

Whatever we do, we should stick together. What do you think, Jeremy?

SPEAKER_03 58:41

I mean, what would you do if you were Dan? Like, he just he ran out probably past this wall, right?

SPEAKER_10 58:46

Like the inner machinations of Dan's mind are an enigma. Jeremy, he didn't run. He flew.

SPEAKER_03 58:55

I mean, like, I feel like our best shot would maybe be like uh go beyond the wall or and look, or like wait at the hotel, see if he comes back for us. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 59:06

I don't think we should let Jeremy have ideas anymore.

SPEAKER_10 59:08

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

Well, fuck me. I don't like this new guy. Connor Small sucks. Who is this guy anyways? I wasn't where's Samuel?

SPEAKER_10 59:18

Yeah, I would say let's keep going. I mean, unless you guys want to stay here, I'm I'm more than comfortable going ahead by myself.

SPEAKER_08 59:24

I agree with Roz.

SPEAKER_10 59:25

Wow. It's the first time for everything, I guess.

SPEAKER_08 59:27

She's got a lot of good ideas, I hear.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

Stessica's like, gets up in your ear. She's like, I have some good ideas too. I would like to hear about them. I hate this. Maybe.

SPEAKER_08 59:35

I've got a clue. Maybe I'll stay back.

SPEAKER_09 59:38

Maybe we leave Stessica and Connor alone.

SPEAKER_08 59:41

The name's Mistress.

SPEAKER_03 59:42

Also, I would like to remind you, uh, Samuel, you do have the spell teleport.

SPEAKER_08 59:48

Guys, I think I have the capabilities to get us over that wall. I can guarantee half of us could make it over. I don't know what'll happen to the other half if it doesn't work, though.

SPEAKER_09 59:56

I mean, I don't know. I what's what you just alluded to some mysterious way you could get half of us over there, but half of us might just die, and then also Ross so that she could get up there. I d I just don't know what we're talking about. What are we what are we doing? Well, if anybody died, it'd probably be Jeremy.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:12

Wait, what? Why? Why me? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:14

I just have a feeling.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:16

Well, he is a detective after all.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:19

Maybe I'll stay behind in case Dan comes back. He does it like half of his body way, so he's like, yeah, Albert!

SPEAKER_09 1:00:26

But so the truth of the matter is we could send we could send two people back to the place where we slept to stay with Jack while he's vulnerable, and on the off chance that Dan comes back, he might be there, and we could go send two others out to like search for him.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:44

Okay, sounds like a plan.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:45

What if Roz could get us across without using any special techniques?

SPEAKER_10 1:00:49

I'm just one bird, and I'm not very strong.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:52

And you can make multiple trips.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:00

Alright, we can try that first, I guess. I was a I was a rock climber when I was a human. I could try climbing it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:06

How tall is it, child? The wall is the equivalent of 50 critter feet.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:11

That's not that big. Alright, every everyone gather around me. I'm going to teleport us through that wall.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:16

But is this gonna kill us? Just in case. Um Hey, would Roz be able to fly over that?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:21

You're currently level three. You have th access to three flaps. I would say you can make it like three-fifths of the way up.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:28

What the hell?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:28

And then you'd have to do strength saves to make it over the rest of the way.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:31

I guess you'll have to take your chance with me, Roz.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:34

Yeah, I will, Mr. Smouse. Let's just do this.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:37

The name's Connor Smouse.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:39

Do you want me to call you Connor or Mr. Smouse?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:41

Mr. Smouse to you.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:42

That's okay Mr.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:44

Smouse to you, woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:45

So, Samuel, to be able to reliably get as many people as is possible, I would say you probably would want to use all two of your available teleportation spells. So go ahead and just roll 2D six and let me know what you roll on both of them. A three and a two. That is enough to teleport the entire group and manage to not use any of your spell slots, so that was very good. So you guys all teleport out the other side uh into the and you're back out into the the open woods out of the city of Pine Hill for the first time in a little in a couple days. What would you guys be doing next?

SPEAKER_08 1:02:23

Can Samuel like look over at Jeremy and be like, oh my god, you made it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:28

You just hear like the sound of like metal shaking, and he's like, uh, no, no. In his giant armor, and he's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. We need to find Dan yesterday. I need the pipe. Oh no, I forgot I had it. He's an addicted.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:43

He's so cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:44

I love the movie. Okay, you guys walk south for a little bit. Dan, uh, Anand up on the tree branch says, Okay, I think uh I think they're close enough now. Take my hand.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:55

Can I just stay with you? I don't want to go back to this fucking nerd. No, just kidding.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:01

Dan smells a little bit of that cloaca pussy, and he's he's done. You saw the picture you drew of Anand, Catherine, and you know why this is the case.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:10

Yeah, no, that's fair. I'd stay with her too. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:13

Speaking of which, guys, on our Patreon, you can see a picture of all of the different critters in uh in Catherine's art style, and they all look awesome.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:20

So Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:21

Come on, that's also make thirst edits of Jack points.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

The one picture of Jack's thirst edits of it. Just the same picture rotating.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:31

It's like just do it to whistle by floating.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:35

There's somebody else's art style, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:37

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, and also one picture Jacob drew of Samuel. I I'm gonna there's two variations, one of which he has his whole cock out.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:49

It's not the whole thing. It's not the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:52

We're not doing that one on the Patreon. That one is exclusive for uh that one's exclusive for just us on our pleasure. But it's pretty good though. Someday. Anyways, you guys uh Dan. Okay, she says, Take my hand. Okay, and she walks you towards the the trunk, feathers grow out of it once again, and she teleports you out the back side of a tree, and uh you can like hear immediately like the group traveling. You can hear them talking and stuff uh on the other side of this tree, and she turns and she looks at you and she's like be safe. And she plants a little kiss on top of your head, and then she walks back through the portal and the portal closes.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:33

Take me with you. Dan would uh he would steal himself to the best of his abilities to kind of play off what happened, like he didn't just have an entire nervous breakdown. He may have cried a little, but we're not gonna we're not gonna dwell on that.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:51

Just a tinge.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:52

Uh and he just strolls around the uh the tree trunk and he just kinda like he just he just sits down.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:57

If I remember correctly, we had some roles for when Gail cried and didn't want to be spotted crying.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:04

Wait, hang on, hang on. That's because she was trying to hide the fact she was crying. Dan is not trying to hide it. He just cried a little bit. He just kind of you know cleaned himself up to the best of his ability and walked out. Like he does not care if they see him that he was like his eyes are red or anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:17

If that's the case, then you guys will know without a shadow of a doubt that Dan it was crying.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:20

Fuck you for robbing me of an opportunity to use my dice. You're welcome. Fuck you too.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:24

He hasn't been able to roll this whole time.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:26

Roll for tit size. There you go. Can I do that, John? I never got to do that. To roll for your titties?

SPEAKER_10 1:05:32

Yeah, neither of us never got to do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:34

You know what, girls? Roll for your titties. These boys haven't got to roll though. For their titties? Mm-hmm. You got to roll for your dick size. That's the titty of the man.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:44

Yeah, that's Can I roll for tightness? You know what? I'm rolling for Cloak and Tightness. I don't care if you're not going to be able to do that. Did you say Clo? Did you say tightness?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:52

Did you say tightness?

SPEAKER_09 1:05:54

Gail, what did you get for your titties? I didn't roll, you didn't call it. Oh, okay. Go ahead and roll. I got a One. Is that the best thing I could have got? You rolled an A cup. Well, yeah, how are you doing that? Is it a D20? Yeah, how are you doing that? To the ground.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:09

Here is what I will say. The further away from one you are, the less you get to choose the size of your titties. So you rolled a one, you choose the size of your titties. Because maybe you didn't want giant bazongas. Maybe you wanted to be the queen of the itty bitty committee, alright? Itty bitty titty committee. Thank you, D, for correcting me. The itty bitty titty committee. I missed it. I missed an itty word.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:30

Alright, well, if I if I rolled a one, then I would say that Gail has a a nice, not too big, very firm set of a nice little a nice rack. Totally a dude describing this.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:42

Connor Smouse is gonna treat him differently.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:44

I rolled a five. You rolled a five. Imagine like the ideal titties that Roz would want, and then uh four less than that. Like four off of that.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:54

God damn.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:55

On a scale of one to twenty. Catherine. What? What describe your titties, your character's titties.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:02

Oh, I don't think I can do it like Isaiah did, but I would say this and this is much this is much different than uh than what I actually think, but Roz w Roz wanted huge boobs. Okay. Yeah, like the like ones that hurt hurt the back. You know what I mean? Like like unreasonably large. And I don't know why, but that's Roz, okay? So sh yeah, so sh that's what she's got. She's got like a nice, nice rack.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:30

That's all you gotta say. You made fun of me for how I described mine, but you said nice rack. I'm gonna have to change her. Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:37

They're just a little bit smaller than she would have wanted because you rolled a five instead of a one. But you're pretty happy with them. You're you're happy on a scale of like they're they're pretty hefty. Yeah, you're you're you're satisfied with your titties. Anyway.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:52

Jacob, stop texting the chat. Jacob, what are you texting? He said Connor Smuse likes Roz a lot more now.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:01

Jesus.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:05

Connor Smuse is a boob guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:07

Okay, so uh Dan walks around the street. You guys know for a fact that he has been crying. You also now know the size of two members of the group's titties.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:16

We don't know that.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:17

Take the scene away, walk around with them out, please. They're put away. Dan!

SPEAKER_10 1:08:25

Dan, is that you?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:27

That would be me, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:31

What happened? Where did you go? Why didn't you come back to us?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:35

You hear and Jeremy has run as fast as his tiny legs can carry him, and he is hugging your legs.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:42

Oh, hi Jeremy.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:43

Don't do that to me, man. Give me the pipe.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:46

He just wants the pipe. Give me the pipe. You just kind of pat Jeremy's head real quick and then take out the pipe and hand it over to him. It's like, well, I mean, if that's what you wanted, you could have just said that from the get-go, Jeremy. Anyway, um, listen, do you really?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:58

You see his little hand poke up and screen it. Give me a light. Okay. Please give me Can you give me a light? Alright, I pull out the lighter and light it as I'm still talking.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:07

Anything else? He hugs you tighter now. He's like, dang, so I just needed I need a comb down a minute. Okay. Okay. Are you good? I'm fine. Thank you, Jeremy. Uh kind of like hug him back as best as I missed you. I missed you too, but I'm giving a little kitten I'm just kidding. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:21

He's gonna still hug you, but every now and then he just goes for the pipe and he's like, God, whatever I done this sooner. Oh my god. That's good shit, hunt Jeremy. And he rolled an 18 on keeping himself from being high, so he is very blitzed. Uh sorry, continue D. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:38

Um I know I lost my train of thought. What was I saying? That was my fault.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:44

Uh I don't think any of us can answer that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:47

I don't know either. Alright, yeah, they kind of asked you what happened, why didn't you come back and stuff?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

Oh, I mean, considering the scene, I assume you guys possibly had seen bars. I don't think I I don't think I could have came back at the moment. Um, but what is important is I need a disguise very badly, because if I go back there, I will get arrested and probably killed on site.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:10

Alright. Uh well I don't know if you recognize Samuel, but he's going by Connor Smouse now.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:16

The name's Connor Smouse. Nice to meet you, Connor Smouse. It's like Mouse, but with an S.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:21

Jeremy's like, holy shit, that was Samuel the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:26

It was I. Whoa. Jeremy, I think I think you might have an addiction problem already. What are you Me too, buddy? Maragewea is not addictive.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:36

Marage Wea.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:37

Okay, well, what do we got? Can I check my inventory? Can I check my pockets, my bags? For a disguise? Yeah, for anything that could be disguise related. Well, didn't you buy me like an outfit or something? I bought you a suit for the ball.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:51

Can we fashion the suit into anything?

SPEAKER_08 1:10:53

It's gonna have to work. Yeah, it is gonna have to work, to be honest. It's just gonna have to look super hot for a little while. That's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:59

Connor's mouse is right. We're just gonna have to make it work. Okay, and we have to hide that I'm a crow. That's the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:05

Oh, awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:06

That's not gonna be easy. Listen, if at all if we can find some way to just paint my feathers a little bit and maybe maybe look like, I don't know, a songbird or maybe maybe look like you, Roz. I don't know.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:17

Yeah, that's a good point. Um, Roz is gonna look around for like a wet patch of dirt.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

Yeah, I mean you're in the woods. A wet patch of dirt is a dime a dozen out in the in the woods.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:27

Alright, sounds good, DM. So Roz is gonna gather up wet dirt.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

Oh, okay. Excellent, excellent job. You're as angry mean DM, Isaiah is my new favorite player. Thank you. Please roll me a D20.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:45

Alright, I rolled a 7. It's pissed. My will is 12.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:51

I didn't say it was a will. My dice is 11. I didn't say it was a save, I just had to roll.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:58

Those are the only things I need.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:59

Roll and dice, it doesn't matter what you get.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:02

It doesn't matter what you get, it's pissed at all when it's being pissed.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:06

Alright. Ros is gonna do I have to roll the roll for what kind of animal it's pity.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:12

No. 45 minutes later.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:17

Alright, I'm rolling, John. You're just gonna have to pick a number assigned to an animal.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:22

I got a four. It's a deer. A deer piss. What was this blood alcohol level? I'll roll this one, don't worry. Hi. You just see a deer like stumbling around, like, fucking bitch, fucking Tell me who I am. Oh my god. Gee, tell me who I am!

SPEAKER_03 1:12:46

What the fuck? What the fuck? And then he's like pissing still.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:52

This is like a behemoth to us as well. A giant ass pissed. Those guys are huge.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:56

Every step he takes is like.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:58

Okay, so we have like a lake of piss, is what you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:01

You have a as much mud, as much piss mud as you need, you have.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:07

Dan, come over here. Absolutely not. No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:11

Dan, you said you wanted a disguise.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:14

I am not putting piss mud on me. Absolutely not. We find something else. Oh good. We spent all that time on piss mud. Fine.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:22

Let's find something. You find something else then.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:25

I will find something else. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:31

Oh my god, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:33

All of that for nothing. Listen, as soon as you do this piss, I was not having it. I wish you had spoken up sooner. I tried. I was like, I'm not putting piss mud on. I am so glad you did it.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:47

Okay, every uh roll of luck save uh Roz. Raz, I don't know why you keep playing in the piss.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:53

Luck? I got an 18.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:55

Okay, well you're your luck is 19, so you pass. Uh you find a bush with berries on it.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:02

I found a bush with berries, so it's like red berries. Okay, awesome. Uh Raz is gonna pick some of those and put them in the dirt and just like smash them to get the pigment. In the piss dirt.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:13

No, no, no, just regular mud. In the regular dirt.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:16

Yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:17

Uh her luck is 19. Yeah. Everybody's luck is 19 until you start spending it. Oh. Like you can spend luck points to alter your fate. Like if you roll and fail a roll, you can spend luck points. Oh, fuck you. You never get luck points back.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:29

I should have said that sooner whenever I was initially charm or like talking to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:33

Isaiah did tell you in that episode, hey, you have luck you can spend. And you're like, nah. I did. I was blasted. Come on. That's unfair.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:41

That is unfair. Too late now, dude. I'm not gonna undo the episode. No, no, no, no. I'm not saying oh fuck. Hey, can we go back real quick so that we can start over? I don't think this episode turned out. What? On the top guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:53

Isaiah, how are we supposed to get back to the mud piece? Three, two, one. I don't know how to get back to that bit.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:59

I want to work that out. Just trust me on that. Just trust me on that.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

Uh you make this red uh die, uh, and it uh so basically how this is gonna work is Anand is going to bless whatever disguise you guys make, which means instead of rolling a D20, uh, you're gonna roll a D12 with advantage.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:18

Oh, awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:19

So the chance of it being higher than a 12 is impossible.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:22

Three.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:23

Roz, somehow, while you're doing this, you feel like like guided almost. Like in a way you can't explain nor name, but you feel like you are guided, and now uh Dan's feathers are like red, and his beak is still black, but like he looks completely different. He looks like a completely different bird.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:41

Nice. Was he what does he look like? A cardinal?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:44

Yes. Just imagine a crow, but he's he's died red. That's what he looks like.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:48

It's a red crow, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:50

That's what he looks like. Nobody's gonna know.

unknown 1:15:52

Okay, deal.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:23

D'Angelo Last Name is Dan, Candon Johnson is Jack, Catherine Bivens is Roz, Isaiah Nyman is Gail, and me, Jonathan Ransom, as your DM and audio editor. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, Adventure Zone, and Dungeons and Daddies again, because I'm the biggest D and Dads glazer you will find. This show's so good. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:17

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:18

Everybody, uh, you heard it here first. Wear protection when kissing. You don't know where those things have been.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:31

It's like it's like a male seahorse. I have two children.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:34

Hey, on God, my mom always says kissing is a phone call to your hoo-ha. So remember that, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:42

That is a bar. She's a wise woman.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:46

What is your last name, Catherine?

SPEAKER_10 1:17:48

Don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:50

Catherine's mom.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:52

Dude, there's a sweat time. I don't want to get too far off track, but it made me think of this. There was a time when I was single, okay? And I walked into a fucking Rue 21, and I found there was sweatpants, and I was like, oh, these are on a clearance rack. Surely they're not too expensive. And it appeared that they were only like 15 bucks, so I was like, I'll grab them. And I was like, the cashier's cute. I'm gonna try to flirt with her. And I proceeded to not do good at flirting with her, and then also as soon as she told me what the price was, I was like, oh, that's that's pretty expensive. And she's like, Do you wanna put them back? And I was like, no, I can bring I can I can I can do that. And I brought them home and they didn't fit, and I was not gonna return them. Wait, too tiny or too big though? Way too big, like enormous. That's better though. That's way better than too tiny. It's true, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:43

But anyways, that's big in the crotch area or more in the leg area?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:46

Uh all of the above. The hips, dude. Like, I literally had to pull like three feet of string out to like get them to like stay on my hips. This is really bad.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:55

Whatever happened to the pants.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:57

Uh, I don't know. I don't know. Send us a picture of you. Given away. I wish, but no, I I I think I wore them like twice. They cost like 45 bucks. It was terrible. But anyway.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:08

There's like a good size chance that I ended up with those pants. Just because that's how that's a very shopping experience guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:15

I definitely gave them away. But anyway, sorry. Also, I can't believe how many people have like lost their legs on this.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:23

Like you hate a leg, don't you guys?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:25

Dude, I see a leg and I'm just fiending.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:28

Do you guys hear the cat purring in the background?

SPEAKER_08 1:19:46

John, I muted it. That was that was a devious work you did. You outfurt me, dude.