Episode 16- Crittercal Planning

The gang talks over their plans to break into the King's Palace, while gathering supplies to do so, they witness some holy shit.

This episode contains profanity, sexual content, reference to drug/alcohol use, other shit that is for adults. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Caverns in Critters is a podcast about little guys made for big guys, as in adults. Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Little critters.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

Well, guys, this is the first time we're like recording two episodes back to back, so I don't imagine anyone has any critter report because we just did critter report. Any critters to report on?

SPEAKER_08 0:58

I saw two cats across the road. Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01

Bella came home from work.

SPEAKER_08 1:04

Critter report.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

That creature. Bella, dude. Sorry. Very cool. Alright, uh, moving on. We're getting into this, guys. Critter reports now. Critter report! This is happening. Okay, go.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

This is live. Actual happening right in front of me. First fly of the season. I just saw him crawl over my Joseph Joestar toy. Holy shit. It's Mark's ill omen. Oh no. And Critter Report. It's true, though. It is the first fly of the season.

SPEAKER_06 1:40

I know. I believe.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Jacob, you're muted. Jacob, unmute yourself right now. You're saying funny shit. I know you are.

SPEAKER_06 1:46

He's he's eating them combos.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

I'm not muting combos.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

He's fucking up some combos right now, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:52

Looks like you're talking like the what you guys are trying to hear is just Minecraft as eating sounds.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Alright, cool, guys. As you know, we have a Patreon. We do. None of those Patreons submitted a first aid question because we're all out of questions for this episode.

unknown 2:11

Dun!

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Dun dun!

SPEAKER_02 2:15

So this question was Cannon's idea. So we're gonna let's roll it. What's everyone's favorite superhero and why? We're gonna start with Catherine.

SPEAKER_06 2:25

Um Catherine. I play the character of Raz Schuman. Um chatty bicurious.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

We're gonna throw that out after this episode.

SPEAKER_06 2:37

Liberal. Kill dear. Um and and Roz's favorite superhero is actually four superheroes. Um and they're the they're the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Oh hell yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:51

Straight up. Those are her favorite ones.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

What iteration is her favorite? I gotta ask.

SPEAKER_06 2:56

Oh that's a great question. Um look, Catherine personally, Catherine fucks with the live action versions. Okay, Catherine does. But Roz, I feel like likes the original, like the cartoon one. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 3:10

When you say original, are you talking like 80s cartoon or 2003?

SPEAKER_06 3:14

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the no, like the first, the first iteration of them. But honestly, I myself am I appreciate all versions of the of the TMNTs. The the most recent, like the CGI ones were like interesting, but maybe maybe not my favorite ones, but the live action ones where they had like the people in the suits are so fucking funny to me. Anyways, sorry. I'll talk about that forever.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

Hell yeah. It's a good movie. Up next, Isaiah. Uh I'm Isaiah. I play the character of Gail. Yes! I f for some reason when this question was posed to me and I had to think about it, I just answered it like I was me. And I was like, Daredevil. For real. I love Daredevil. And then and then when Catherine answered, I was like, oh shit, I was supposed to answer in character. What would Gail's favorite superhero be? I feel like she'd be a huge fan of Catwoman. For real. Or Black Cat. Sexy. Batman also. It's like the dark, mysterious vibe. A little bit slutty. Oh yeah. I think that's probably what that's up.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

That's up her hour. I love my Batman slutty. I like those answers for Gail. I feel like that's new information I would not have expected. So I find I like that a lot.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

I want to ask you a question then. I want to ask you a question. What would you think Gail's favorites would have been? Because you say that you're surprised. I want to know what that's about.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Honestly, I feel like Roz's strong desire for like justice and stuff made me think of actually like Daredevil and then also Spider-Man. I guess Batman makes sense too. I would not have expected uh Catwoman and Black Cat though, but I do app I do get it.

SPEAKER_06 4:47

Oh, you mean you mean Gail? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

You meant Gail, you said Roz. Sorry. I do that actually pretty often. You're my two kids, but I mix up a lot.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

The least important to you.

SPEAKER_06 4:56

No. That's alright. No, no, we get it. Damn right. Damn right. Can we not paint us as siblings though?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Well that's not that's not that's what I'm saying. Especially with how much inner inner group freaky's been going on.

SPEAKER_06 5:11

There's been a lot of tension lately.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

So true. Allegedly. Candon.

SPEAKER_08 5:15

Candon, go ahead. What's Jack? What's Jack's about? His is my favorite superhero.

SPEAKER_09 5:21

So literally we have the same favorite. It's Spider-Man. All day, everyday best superhero to exist.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

You know me. I love me some Spider-Man. We don't know you actually. I love to see a man suffer and be righteous.

SPEAKER_09 5:40

Editing John, I'm saying this in the thing. I would like to my face draw with Spider-Man drawn over it, and I want it rotoscoped. Use this video.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Uh yeah, that sounds like a lot of work. I'm not gonna do that, but it's just a sneak ma'am. It's just a sneak ma'am. We'll have to check the budget.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

We're gonna have to look at the budget for that one. That's that's a little bit out of our pain.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Uh alright. Up next we got D.

SPEAKER_08 6:09

Is he gonna be able to do this, dude?

SPEAKER_11 6:11

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm coming down, so it's not as bad.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

D popped a fat edible dude before this record, and he is genuinely geeking. It's even magnificent, so this is gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

He's got it.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Um take your time, buddy. Can we come back?

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Just too good.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yes, he's together. He's around dude, we'll we'll come back to you.

SPEAKER_04 6:57

He's coming down, dude.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Don't worry about it. Okay, Jacob, uh, go ahead, dude.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

Well, I'm Jacob. I play Samuel. Samuel's favorite superhero is Bionic Bunny.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

What? Hang on. And who might that be?

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah, well, give it a good What the fuck is this guy, dude?

SPEAKER_06 7:18

Is this from fucking Arthur? This has to be from Arthur.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

He's got a a true heart and a good moral compass, and he fights for what's right.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

I love that for him. That's great.

SPEAKER_06 7:30

It is Arthur. A little fun fact about Jacob is that he fucking loves Arthur.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Jacob, dap me the fuck up, my dude. I've seen every episode of that shit.

SPEAKER_04 7:40

Me fucking two. On repeat every day after school. Yeah, dude. Exactly. PB Hey, PBS boys, dude.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

PBS kid was the shit. Oh my god. Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Oh my god, dude. Culture, dude. Hey D. How ready are you?

SPEAKER_06 7:59

Uh I think I You can't ask him if he's ready. He's locked in. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_04 8:05

D, you can do it. Look, just look away from the camera. Just face away and do it. That's uh I got it, I got it, I got it. Okay.

SPEAKER_11 8:12

Uh I'm D. I play the character of Dan. Uh his favorite superhero would probably have to be Super Sentai team Gokhaiger. For any tokatsu fans or Tokusatsu fans.

SPEAKER_06 8:22

Whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

I'm not gonna be really cool with that.

SPEAKER_11 8:25

I can barely spell English.

SPEAKER_06 8:27

Say that one more time.

SPEAKER_11 8:28

The better version of Power Ranger's Super Mega Force.

SPEAKER_06 8:32

Say it again. Say it super what?

SPEAKER_11 8:34

Super Sentai Team Gokaiser. Gokaiger. Whoa.

SPEAKER_04 8:37

Do you pick the hardest thing to say while stoke?

SPEAKER_06 8:39

Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

Bro literally went from being unable to speak to just like he locked in, dude. Fluent pronunciation, dude. Guys, I'm John Ransom. I'll be your DM this evening. My favorite superhero is probably Superman right now. After like watching James Gunn Superman, just like nothing but like full respect. And then also watching like the um um the new adventures of Superman where he's just an absolute, just a good dude, kind of a himbo, a little bit dumb. I relate to that.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

He's talking about my adventures with Superman, he does not know what it's about.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

Thank you. Dude, Isaiah, we we should have said peacemaker, Isaiah.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Oh, we should have. I could have said eagly, dude. I love and cherish peace with all my heart, and I don't care how many men, women, and children I kill to get it.

SPEAKER_09 9:23

Yeah. Superman is definitely my number two word as favorite superhero. It's it's number one is Spider-Man and then Superman and then Daredevil.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

See, I think I'm actually the opposite of that. I think I'm number one is Superman, number two is Spider-Man, but those two are fighting at all times. And maybe with the new Spider-Man movie coming out, it'll flip again. We'll see. My favorite's definitely Spider-Man.

SPEAKER_09 9:45

And this is a callback to last episode when he definitely becomes man spiders. Uh I want everybody on the Patreon to say John was wrong.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

I do love Black Panther, but there's a chance, but I don't think it'll happen.

SPEAKER_09 9:57

There's always a chance, baby girl.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Well, guys, I wrote this recap time in like two minutes, so.

SPEAKER_06 10:04

Two minutes time.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

If it sucks, it's it's Isaiah's fault. That is true. He was the one who suggested edits.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

That is true.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

D thought that was funny.

SPEAKER_06 10:13

You're gonna get D on a couple things tonight, I feel.

SPEAKER_02 10:17

I think so, yeah. In the last episode, everyone stayed in a hotel. In that hotel, Samuel and Stessica hooked up, which no one saw coming. That was crazy. Gail and Roz cuddled in bed, but platonically. Unless. Unless Rex ran out of Jack's room wearing damaged armor and said that he quit his job as a guard and he is gonna work for for the gang now. He tore into some delicious meat before getting sent off to buy you guys some rations. Uh Dan did a pirate voice. And then he uh got to he ran into Anand again, and thank God Anand gave him super goddess high weed. D is both high in-game and out of game this episode. You all uh can't do this. You couldn't tell that he's in for a tree. You all went back into Galen Roz's room where there was one maid bed and one messy bed. And then uh you guys looked over the map of the King's Palace. Uh there are currently three days until the ball held in your honor at the King's Palace. It is morning, and you guys just got done looking over the map. Please take it away.

SPEAKER_09 11:29

So are so are we are we gonna bust in now or are we gonna use the opportunity while we're already there to get there?

SPEAKER_06 11:36

No, we should definitely do that.

SPEAKER_09 11:38

Yeah, because I I think I think we need to plan it uh like very much ahead of time. And go ahead and get some materials. What do you what do you guys think?

SPEAKER_03 11:47

I my my main focus right now is how do we keep this from um Rex because I d he shouldn't be involved.

SPEAKER_09 11:55

I I really think we need Rex in on it.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

I just it's just such a big risk to trust somebody who is who we just met and works for the government until hours after we obtained information that could break us into there? I don't know. It's just too it's too much.

SPEAKER_09 12:11

Yeah, but we we have to listen, he's he's a part of the group now. I can I can put the I'm your buddy thing on him and we we can we can lock it in.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Is is that gonna work forever though?

SPEAKER_09 12:25

I can we can make it work forever. We can have somebody working so I'm what I'm thinking is on the day of the of the thing, we go and we have one person stay with Rex, and then the rest of us go and then give give Rex the job of being a lookout. That way somebody's always watching him 24-7. And right before we do that, I'll I'll do the I'm your buddy thing. Then he'll he'll be loyal to us at least for enough time for us to go ahead and get in there, get out, and then and then if he tells we're already in and out, we already got what we need.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

But that's that's so much work for effectively nothing. He doesn't provide us any benefits.

SPEAKER_09 13:11

Well we already need, but if he isn't a snitch, he's our le most useful comrade.

SPEAKER_06 13:17

Guys, the problem is the ball is being thrown in our honor. Okay. So the expectation is that we're all there. Except for Samuel and Rex. And honestly, Samuel's part of the team now. I mean, we can't really risk his his being caught. Yeah, I forgot. You know what I mean. Yeah. We're kinda walking on thin ice a little bit, or like we we just gotta tread carefully.

SPEAKER_09 13:41

We may I may have an idea. I do not know how magic works here, but maybe we can find something that'll let us switch bodies with sam with Samuel.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

What why do we need Samuel so bad though? I think you're over-emphasizing. You're over-emphasizing his environment.

SPEAKER_09 14:03

Listen, listen, we need no. Because Samuel can't be this guy watch my bitch.

SPEAKER_10 14:11

I'm d I'm I do not. I'm just gonna practice that. Just gonna put that out there right now. Just gonna put that out there.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Stessica dies. Stessica falls backwards off the bed onto the ground, like feet in the air, like I'm la right? What a what a funny thing to say. I wonder what he could do.

SPEAKER_11 14:30

The fact you two are fucking laughing.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Stessica dies again. She's like just barely gotten back up. Dan says that and she falls again.

SPEAKER_09 14:40

Okay, so new plan. You guys ready?

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 14:44

Drum roll, please. We send Samuel and Rex in there. That is a completely original jack idea. No, no given input necessary. I know that Gil gave it to me. That was a joke. Y'all all of y'all laugh, thank you.

SPEAKER_06 15:03

Anyway, guys, okay.

SPEAKER_09 15:04

We give wait re We give Sam the map.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

So the idea that you have is we just trust the guy who we can't trust with everything.

SPEAKER_06 15:13

Okay No, we can't we cannot do that. Okay, we don't we don't know about Rex necessarily, but what we do know is that there's a roof entrance, okay, and then the two patrolling guards, which have sending stones, which we will need to take control of to get back to to whoever they're reporting to in order to keep up the guys, okay? So we need at least two, or I mean one person could man both sending stones probably, but we would need to incapacitate both of them. And that's just the first level of security.

SPEAKER_09 15:47

You know what, Roz? I'm putting all the burden of making a plan on you.

unknown 15:54

What?

SPEAKER_09 15:54

Just tell us what to do.

SPEAKER_06 15:56

No, I'm just trying to collaborate, Jack.

SPEAKER_09 15:58

No, no, no. I I can't. I I don't know what to do. I was just given the map, and I told I told the octopus that I'd kill the king for him.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Okay. You told the octopus that you would kill the king?

SPEAKER_09 16:10

Okay, he promised me not to kill him, but I told him I'd give him a piece of my mind and make him forgive the octopus. And you're gonna do that. Yes, I am. I I'd die about it. Not maybe not die about it.

SPEAKER_06 16:23

I'd I can't I'd I would need y'all to like protect me if I got too damaged, but all I'm saying is that in order to breach the second level of security, we need the the king's crest, according to our document. We're either gonna need to incapacitate the captain of the guard, the general of war, which doesn't sound promising, or we ask Headard nicely and see if he cooperates. But we would have to phrase it in such a way that he's not super suspicious because we don't know what who Headard is loyal to.

SPEAKER_11 16:53

I could talk to Headard, he has no worries. Easy work.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

Now, pause. Jonathan, I'm I'm still looking over your dock here, but my understanding is that we don't need the King's Crest, it's just like the easiest way.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

Yes, it is the easiest way. There are multiple ways into every level of security. Okay. That is the game.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

So that being said, in character Gil would say the King's Crest is probably our first and best bet, but we can also think about those our backup plans and what we're gonna do with that if getting a king's crest becomes too difficult.

SPEAKER_09 17:24

Okay. But we can also just use the I'm your buddy thing.

SPEAKER_11 17:28

I don't know how well that'd work on the king.

SPEAKER_09 17:30

No, not on the king. Not on the king, the general. We use it on the general, and then we we get we get what we need. We get it rolling. Where do we anticipate we're gonna run into the general? Let's just go. We'll go with Raza's plan and Gail's plan and everybody else who added.

SPEAKER_06 17:46

Alright. Jack, your input is is necessary. We all need to put our heads together if this is gonna work.

SPEAKER_09 17:53

Could we get Diamond Crystal to perform? I have an idea, guys. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's cooking, it's cooking like a bold egg. I become Diamond Crystal. Yeah. We hire the makeup artist. I become the king.

SPEAKER_11 18:11

Would that work? Because I think he would be there too.

SPEAKER_06 18:13

That would be problematic. That would be very problematic, Jack. But I like where your head's at. Maybe we can get Yasmin in on this deal to to transform one of us.

SPEAKER_11 18:25

I mean, he holds himself in high regard, right? Like what are the chances it wouldn't work?

SPEAKER_09 18:29

If we get in through if I so, for example, whoever we put as the king, we keep them hidden until we they fake an illness. We they go to the bathroom, we have Jasmine waiting in the window.

SPEAKER_06 18:46

Jasmine, oh yes.

SPEAKER_09 18:47

We get Jasmine to do the d to do the transformation really, really quick. Then we escort them secretly down to the second level, make the king let him in let make the guards let the king in, then he can get through the two levels of security that are there. Then he can get into the room that we need to get into.

SPEAKER_06 19:08

What about a security badge stone? We would have to ask Winston about that. I feel like I'm I feel like Roz is in good with Winston right now because she went to the forbidden library and gotten a book. Got him a book.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

Do you think that that would buy you a security stone?

SPEAKER_06 19:24

I think that perhaps we could try.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

But if we play it wrong.

SPEAKER_06 19:29

I mean, we could try to talk to Winston, see if he's got any pull at all.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

But if Winston is alerted by your request for a security stone, then he would alert everybody else and our whole plan would fall apart. So we'd have to know for sure.

SPEAKER_06 19:42

We don't know that for sure because I did go to the forbidden library for him. And that's kind of against the rules for him to be checking out books from there.

SPEAKER_11 19:51

Okay, my highest gone. I'm good now. I was trying to be serious. I was trying to be serious and I lost it. Oh god. And now I completely forgot what I wanted to say. Oh my god, he bugged caves so quick. I'm not doing this again. We can't be serious. Um, so whenever we talked to Winston, he seemed pretty adamant about us not going into the the forbidden library, but at the same time, the way he was speaking really implies that he doesn't like the king either. For real. Considering he wouldn't have asked Ross to get that book for him. And he was even saying it in a way that alert the guards that he wasn't doing anything suspicious. So who's to say that he wouldn't be against the king and therefore be willing to help us out with this little heist to get the king one out of power, possibly two, get a different, better ruler, maybe the previous one come back, and we can get our trinket tracker things.

SPEAKER_06 20:48

We don't need to overthrow the king right away.

SPEAKER_03 20:50

I'm not suggesting that he definitely is like on our side or isn't on our side, but there's a huge risk that he would not be willing to take that risk to give us any sort of stone or aid us in any way.

SPEAKER_11 21:02

Jack's pretty charismatic. I think if he talked to Winston, he might be able to help us out. It's just Or Roz. Like if you bring the book and be like, hey, we got this for you. Um we got some. I just want to ask you real quick, like, what's your stance on the king and Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:15

I think it should be me. I I mean we had that little thing with the books.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

But what do we do if he does?

SPEAKER_06 21:20

If he immediately We should have yeah, we should have a plan in place, if not, you know.

SPEAKER_11 21:25

Well Headard seems pretty tired of everything, and if this is a way for us to hurry the fuck up, I feel like it would be worth a shot.

SPEAKER_06 21:30

That's kind of true. I mean he has to whittle all the And it seems like Headard is against us being in the war anyway. I mean, based on our conversation back at his place, you know.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

When exactly do we want this heist to go down? Because we can do it during the ball, and we'll already be l in the main entrance. But we could also try and do it outside of that time, because during the ball we're gonna have a lot of eyes on us.

SPEAKER_06 21:52

Um, I think it should be during the ball though, because the king would be distracted in that sense. He would be out. It's the king's ball, he would be there. So we would need ambassadors or agents working behind the scenes. Which would be a risk to send Samuel and probably Rex.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

But I want to point out one thing as well about just so it's clear. The any security member will have a security badge, anyone on the security team, and any servant will have a servant badge stone. So that is what I was saying.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Yeah. But we could do it on the night of the ball, except for the fact that their security would probably be tighter, having that many people in the palace.

SPEAKER_11 22:34

Yeah. We could probably bribe one of the servants into um giving us a uniform or giving us a uniform and stuff. And then we could have Sammy take over his place as that waiter and use him to keep eyes out.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

That could definitely help.

SPEAKER_06 22:47

Miguel's bringing up a good point though. Security will probably be tighter. We can't necessarily risk sending Samuel in and Rex because we don't know if we can really fully trust Rex.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

I don't think Rex should be involved.

SPEAKER_06 23:00

At this point, I don't think we want Samuel to get caught.

SPEAKER_11 23:02

Didn't we say Samuel was a master at espionage? I feel like this is basically exactly what he's been doing up until this point.

SPEAKER_06 23:07

I know, but we're taking him right to the heart of hell in this case. Right to the king.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

But either way, the punishment's gonna be the same for us if we get caught going where we're not supposed to, as it would be Sam. So at the end of the day, the risk's the same across the board.

SPEAKER_06 23:20

I think uh Gail, I think you're making a good point. Maybe we attend the ball, maybe one of us dips away, pokes around the hallway, gets a lay of the land, and then we come back at a later date with greater knowledge.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

The thing is also, we're gonna have all of our weapons and physical spell tablets removed on the night of the ball, so we'll be under-equipped as well.

SPEAKER_06 23:40

So this should just be reconnaissance then.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Maybe. Or, not that I I can think of a strategic benefit to it yet, we could do reconnaissance beforehand and get as many pieces of the puzzle moving so that when the night of the ball comes, we can get further.

SPEAKER_06 23:55

I'm okay with the king.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Because we don't exactly know where the king's gonna be at any given time. We'd have to figure that out. So if we went in and tried to get to the king's quarters or something, we'd stumble across him, that would not be good.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

On the other hand, we'll know where the king is on the night of the ball. So at least he'd be distracted. There's a lot of moving factors that's we have to consider.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Samuel's down for whatever.

SPEAKER_06 24:16

Well, I guess I mean, I guess that's um we can try that. The problem is, if we get caught before the ball, what would that mean for us? I assume they're doing some type of prep for the ball.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

You would know from the sheet that two days before the ball, uh, there will be a shipment of so tomorrow there will be a shipment of food going into the kitchen. At what level is that deliberate? Kitchen is at level security level two. We could sneak in with the food.

SPEAKER_06 24:45

Jack, I have a proposition. Yes, Ross. You could create a feast and sneak in your food amongst the food shipment that they're getting. And by some slim chance, somebody eats that food and recognizes you as their lifelong friend. We might have some type of an end that way.

SPEAKER_09 25:06

Real type-ish, right.

SPEAKER_06 25:09

And or and or we uh hijack the food shipment and act and disguise ourselves and act as the people delivering the food.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Raz, I think that's a really good idea to have the food smuggled in.

SPEAKER_06 25:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

At the very least, we can do that, and then we could also sneak ourselves in and do some reconnaissance. Maybe a small like splinter cell. I looked into the camera dramatically. Um a small splinter cell goes in and does reconnaissance, but the food stays there and will be used at the ball.

SPEAKER_06 25:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:41

Which just would just be a helpful. I mean, what do we know about the feast? Like, is there any active components to it that like you eat it in like a big old burst of blue energy shoots out or something like that?

SPEAKER_02 25:52

No. It it's so if you guys were to Candon would have to double cast, which would be a little bit high risk right now, just because he's almost done. His will status currently at one. If he fails and gets a six on either one of those, any amount of damage would cause him to take a severe brain injury. Can I uh So you might want to have him sleep before he has like cast his spell. Okay. Uh, but he could double cast his spell, create feast, and come on, I'm your buddy, and create a feast that, if eaten, will cause them to believe that Jack is their best friend, lifelong best friend. So that would work.

SPEAKER_06 26:27

Would Raz's healing bolt do anything for Jack?

SPEAKER_02 26:30

No, because that doesn't heal uh stats. Alright. It just heals HP.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

So we just have to have him sleep, it wouldn't be a big deal.

SPEAKER_06 26:36

Yeah, he can take a nap.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Super funny to D.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

It's like a it's like a giggle avalanche, dude. D starts and then I start, and then he gets more giggly because I'm laughing. And then it's just It is. Jack slept last night. Did he improve his stats at all? Did we roll anything? He slept and then woke up and cast his spell for breakfast, then it went really poorly. Oh yeah. Oh shit. Okay, I I forgot about that, sir. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

It's been so long since the last record, I just couldn't remember.

SPEAKER_06 27:16

Okay, so we just need to have Jack sleep. But do we have a general plan now? I mean, I think our plan is to go in beforehand and then we'll show up at the ball as our regular selves.

SPEAKER_03 27:25

We need to we need to ask who goes. We have to have Jack in the vicinity to at least cast on the food, but he doesn't necessarily need to go in. So who amongst us should?

SPEAKER_06 27:35

Right. Well, I think Samuel stays out for sure.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

We can't risk that. What I will tell you guys is that the ones you want to be looking at is a dex stat. If your dex stat is high, that's gonna be the stat we're using for stealth.

SPEAKER_06 27:47

So I mean Roz's decks is 11. So mine's 13. So D's definitely going.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

Mine is 11. And Isaiah does have stealth armor, which would turn him invisible.

SPEAKER_06 27:57

Okay. So Gail's going.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

Gail can be invisible for 10 minutes once per day.

SPEAKER_06 28:03

Okay, so Gale's definitely going.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Gail might be the only one going. The difficulty that is set for Gale, so you'll only have 10 minutes and you cannot recast. Uh, but the difficulty while you're invisible is always going to be three to be able to see you or like detect you.

SPEAKER_06 28:16

Oh damn.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

So it's almost impossible for them to be able to detect you. That's great. While you're invisible. Three?

SPEAKER_03 28:22

That's not almost impossible. What are you talking about? Three's not almost impossible. Don't say that. Don't slip that in there trying to manipulate me. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. That's crazy top.

SPEAKER_06 28:31

Okay, so Dan and Gail for sure.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 28:34

Who has the next high as well? Samuel's not going. What about Stessicon, Jeremy? And Jack.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

I will look at Jeremy. Jeremy's Dex is 11. Okay. Uh, and he also bought a spell called Disguise'Object, where he can turn into basically a prop like object. That's but he has that spell and he could use it on somebody else as well. So Jeremy's going. It doesn't have to just be cast on himself. It could cast it on somebody else. Stessica's Dex is 12. Oh. And uh Yeah, she doesn't really have any stealth-related extra stuff.

SPEAKER_06 29:08

What is Jack's Dex?

SPEAKER_09 29:09

Hell if I know.

SPEAKER_06 29:11

You gotta check your sheet.

SPEAKER_09 29:12

Where is it? I don't know where it's at.

SPEAKER_06 29:14

It's in the it's in Google Sheets.

SPEAKER_09 29:16

Get so many dang emails because I'm so popular, guys.

SPEAKER_06 29:19

Literally open Google Sheets Canon and it'll be there.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

Yeah, that's that's where mine's at.

SPEAKER_09 29:24

My dexterity is 10. I can't go.

SPEAKER_06 29:26

Okay, you're definitely not going.

SPEAKER_09 29:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 29:29

So so far it's- How about we not say it like that? No, it's fine, because you're gonna cast the food spell anyway. We need to just go.

SPEAKER_09 29:35

Also, you guys, you guys can turn me into a giant d a giant dildo. Why would you do it? And they just walk me through the front door.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

The king is like, listen.

SPEAKER_09 29:47

Yes, listen to me. My perfect giant dildo I've been waiting for. You see? You see? Perfect. Then in the right moment, I just turn back into a guy. I'm just like.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

You're like halfway, you're like halfway up his ass, and you like shape shift back.

SPEAKER_10 30:04

He's like, oh my goodness gracious. I mean, I wouldn't let it get that far.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Okay. I think that our best route is Jack at the very least will accompany me to the transporting of the food. Cast his spell on that. Who was it who had the object spell? Jeremy. Jeremy.

SPEAKER_09 30:22

Jeremy.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

We'll get Jeremy to cast his object spell on me, and I'll disguise myself as some food or something, or like a crate. I'll go in solo, because I got this armor, and I'll like lift up my shirt, because like the armor's like under it. And I'll explain that as why nobody ever knew I had stealth armor. I got this armor that casts invisibility. I'll have 10 minutes of almost impossible to be detected. I'll get in there and find as much information as we can. The only thing I want to do before we do that is we should go see if we can find some sort of device that can keep me in contact with you guys, because I don't have a spell that could send you a warning if I'm in danger.

SPEAKER_06 30:57

For real.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

Okay. I don't know if one exists, but we should take a gander.

SPEAKER_09 31:01

Why don't we put a can a can on a string.

SPEAKER_06 31:04

We can find a sending stone. There's probably a store or a merchant or somebody. Because we also need to find clothes for this for this ball.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

True.

SPEAKER_06 31:14

We cannot be caught lacking, not dripped up.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

So we'll do all of it.

SPEAKER_04 31:18

D's iPhone. D's iPhone.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

You've only got five percent though, so I'll send a message to Rouse's life alert. Yeah. If it starts beeping, you know I'm dead.

SPEAKER_06 31:29

I was gonna say, I only have my life alert, which has endless battery. Okay. I will get the notification. And you'll know I'm dead.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Yeah, we're like, uh dang it.

SPEAKER_06 31:41

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_04 31:42

Yeah. He's dead. What do you mean? What does it mean? He's dead. Rest in peace, Gail. Catherine, would you roll a will safe for us?

SPEAKER_03 31:48

Yes, sir. Yes, dad.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

I got a six. You realize that you have not had your life alert on you for a while. You were nervously messing with your life alert when Sonny was right about to send you through the portal.

SPEAKER_06 32:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

And you probably dropped it on the forest ground after maybe pressing the button.

SPEAKER_06 32:08

Oh my god. DM's fucking us again.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Sick and tired of this.

SPEAKER_06 32:14

So what have we decided? Gail, Dan, Jeremy, and Jack, at least for a little bit, are going to recon.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

I think only I should go. I think anybody who's not invisible would slow me down.

SPEAKER_11 32:24

What? Well fuck you too.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Yeah, dude. It's just it just makes more sense this way. Everybody else could get spotted way too easily, whereas I'm invisible for a whole 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_06 32:34

I feel like if we disguise Dan and Jeremy, they'd be fine.

SPEAKER_11 32:39

And I can cast teleport, so if things get dicey, I can teleport me and Jeremy out.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Jeremy like hyp himself up to speak, because he is a little bit of a nervous little guy now. Uh so he hypes himself up to speak and he's not high anymore. Uh he goes. I uh I uh um I uh I got this little uh spell tablet and I I I think we can we can cast it multiple times. So either way, Gail, if you're going in there by yourself, you should bring it with you. Because if you have it in there with you, then you could use it as a quick disguise should you need it. But also, how the hell are you gonna get out of there?

SPEAKER_11 33:13

So true. If we go get another spell tablet, I could probably cast teleport on it and you could use that as an escape round.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Teleport on it? What is that? What is the what is that? Tell me more.

SPEAKER_11 33:22

The teleport spell.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Tell me more about the teleport spell and rat D D.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

And rat D. Rat D D is very funny. Let me actually pull that up and read it. You and Dice plus Sum, which dice just means how many uh spell slots you invest, and then uh sum is the number on your rolls. You and dice plus some creatures teleport to an unoccupied space within 20 feet. God or boss tier characters that do not want to be teleported gain a will save to avoid being teleported.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

God tier characters, is that how you're gonna reveal to us that that exists?

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

Yeah, that would be correct. What the fuck? Samuel. Okay, so you're saying that Dan could cast teleport on both of us as long as he was in our presence and get us out.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

But only 25 feet. 20 feet, but it's it's listen, 20 feet to a critter is massive.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Listen, I don't know that we're talking about human feet. I assumed we were talking about critter feet, because this is rat DD.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

No, I would have said inches, dumbass.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

Specify. Specify.

SPEAKER_02 34:25

20 20 feet for like humans. Human 20 feet. Okay. 12 inches times 20. That's fucking colossal for sure.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Yeah. Yeah, I would know. Okay, so we have no problem getting out.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

You could get out of the tree, no problem. What I will say is if you are going to teleport into the tree, you will have to roll a couple rolls to not teleport into like a wall and fucking die. Okay.

SPEAKER_11 34:50

So You said I couldn't do that whenever I tried teleporting the roaches.

SPEAKER_06 34:53

That's true.

SPEAKER_11 34:54

You said that couldn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

I'm God!

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Jonathan, I swear. I swear on my life, I almost just said he's God, so what whatever you can I almost said I don't want to give you a hey, I killed the bad guy in a single hit move.

SPEAKER_06 35:13

I but I think our decision has been made, right? Gail's going in for sure, but she shouldn't go in alone. At the very least, we should look in disguise Dan again.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

So, like, guys, if we are going to like go to a magic shop anyways, we could always just see if they have an invisibility spell there, too. That's true. Send in two people.

SPEAKER_06 35:32

Good thinking, Cessica.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Thanks, DM.

SPEAKER_08 35:34

That's great thinking. Of course you would think that's great thing.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

If only one of us had slept and leveled up and chosen invisibility last night, but I don't think that would have happened.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

Damn it.

SPEAKER_06 35:45

I slept.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

Yeah, Roz and I slept for sure, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 35:49

Uh, Gail and Roz slept real fucking good. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay.

SPEAKER_11 35:53

I'm pretty sure Dan was hallucinating all night. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_06 35:58

Dan was tossing and turning geometry in his mind.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

Yeah, you guys look at Dan and Dan is talking to the mirror.

SPEAKER_06 36:05

He's like, Dan slept all night.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

Hey guys, bad news. This fucker's listening in on our conversation.

SPEAKER_06 36:12

Who do you know here? Guys, I think someone's here with us.

SPEAKER_11 36:15

Oh, you hear support the Patreon.

SPEAKER_06 36:18

We talk about Patreon.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

It seems like version one of the plan should be we disguise Dan and find a way to get him in with me. I'll do the brunt of the investigating with my invisibility. Yeah. But Dan will provide backup under his disguise, and then if shit goes wrong, or w whenever my time starts to run out, I'll get to Dan. Dan will teleport us out. It'll be like nothing ever happened. The only thing we need to do is make sure we know how to get him in. But I think that just taking out somebody who's like like stealthily taking out somebody who's transporting the food, disguising him, and then letting him go in might work.

SPEAKER_06 36:55

I think that's a great idea. Jeremy also does have that one spell. Which what that that's I don't know if you guys can use that to your advantage where he can transform a critter into an object or something.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Yeah. My original plan was I was gonna have him cast me into like a loaf of bread or some shit. So that I could just like I could sneak in as deep as possible and then pop out and do invisibility.

SPEAKER_11 37:16

But oh yeah, you'd be real deep, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_02 37:18

The spell does specify that you can still move around while you're disguised as an object. So like if we were to disguise you as bread, you could like move and jump up there and it should be fine. It's just that you can't be seen moving as bread. It's a literal prop hunter.

SPEAKER_06 37:32

Object, not living creature. Yeah?

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Yeah. You cannot disguise yourself as a living creature. It must be an inanimate object or like food or something.

SPEAKER_03 37:40

We'll have we'll have me turn into like a scaffolding so that no matter where I'm at I'm at, if I just stop, they're like, huh, must be doing renovation.

SPEAKER_06 37:48

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_13 37:50

Okay. Okay, cool. That's funny.

SPEAKER_06 37:53

Okay, but that's good. It's good for us to know that Jeremy can do that. And I think that maybe Jeremy would be useful to you guys at least. So at the very least, it's Gail and Dan.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

We can take we're gonna have to take Jack and Jeremy up to the gate with us, but then we're gonna go in without them.

SPEAKER_06 38:11

Okay. I think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

We should go shopping for maybe an invisibility spell, definitely some form of communication device, even though we don't necessarily need it anymore. Uh we have enough time today. We just gotta make sure that Jack's sleeping.

SPEAKER_06 38:22

Um, and I'll get everybody some clothes. Everyone who's not there on the shopping trip, I'll get Gail and Dan and Jeremy and Jack some some garb so we uh show up to the ball dripped out.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Make sure you make me look hot. That's all I ask.

SPEAKER_06 38:36

Gail, you don't need any help with that. Hey yo, Zang. But I will get you some help.

SPEAKER_11 38:42

Sleep together question mark.

SPEAKER_06 38:44

No, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_11 38:46

A little bit of a blush and a smile.

SPEAKER_03 38:48

That's what you got.

SPEAKER_06 38:49

On the side, on the side though, after the plan has been made, Raz is gonna go up to Gail. Like, you sure about this? Like you gonna be okay?

SPEAKER_03 38:58

I think that this is something that I'll be good at. I don't have a lot of strong suits so far, and I think that I can really be helpful this time. So yeah, I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Alright.

SPEAKER_06 39:08

Well, just be safe.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Behind you on the window, you hear if you all turn around and look, and you see a mouse hand, and then it pushes against the window and slides it open, and then in rolls Rex.

SPEAKER_06 39:21

Rex!

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Hey guys, I got the rations. Thank you, Rex.

SPEAKER_09 39:25

Thank you, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

My entire inventory is filled to the brim with with with so many rations.

SPEAKER_09 39:29

You're the goat.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Thank God you're here.

SPEAKER_09 39:31

Has has somebody paid him yet? Jeremy did. Oh, okay. Well, buddy, welcome to the team. We're glad to have you.

SPEAKER_02 39:40

Thanks, man. Jeremy walks up to him and pulls out a uh an extra pip, and he's like, you keep doing it like that, you'll you'll see a lot of good things coming in your future. Anyways, what are you guys talking about?

SPEAKER_06 39:52

Oh, we're just talking about how we're gonna go shopping, actually, Rex. Do you know of any good places around here to get some like clothes for the ball? And perhaps more spells.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

Jonathan, I'm trying to read his intent right now. I'm I'm putting him under scrutiny.

SPEAKER_02 40:05

Uh go ahead and give me a we'll say will save, and I'm going to roll a I guess it would be a pose will save.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

Ah, I succeeded with a 12. I succeeded with a 12. That's spectacular.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

So I rolled and then you rolled, and I'm not gonna tell you what I rolled.

SPEAKER_07 40:20

Oh god.

unknown 40:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

What you can tell based on that role about Rex is that he is very thrilled to be here. You would get the sense that he probably isn't scheming for the king, I would say, is what you would think in the field.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

At this exact moment, that's what I am gaining from him. I'm not watching anybody.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

So uh he walks up to uh Jack, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a uh a blue a blob of like some red stuff, and he's like, hey, I got you some red stuff.

SPEAKER_09 40:58

Oh, thank you, buddy. I appreciate you, gang. And then I dab him up.

SPEAKER_02 41:03

He puts the red stuff in your hand. He doesn't know what a dab is, he's just like trying to put it in your hand. Like weird and sideways. Hey you go.

SPEAKER_09 41:11

This this'll work, buddy. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Your hand is now wet and red. Hey, looks like he caught you red-handed.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

Ah, what a knee slapper. What a knee slapper.

SPEAKER_09 41:26

I pulled out my mouth and I stab Gail to death.

SPEAKER_02 41:30

What? So are all of you guys going with to go shopping? Yeah. Yes. I'm definitely going.

SPEAKER_06 41:37

Oh, okay. I didn't know if they were gonna go right to the food shipment. I guess that's a couple days away.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

No, the food shipment's tomorrow, right? Yeah. So hold on, hold on, hold on. Jack needs to get sleep. How much sleep?

SPEAKER_09 41:47

Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, let me stay and take a nap.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Alright, so the food shipment is tomorrow morning. Okay would have a whole night of sleep ahead of him to be able to get one d4 of his will back.

SPEAKER_09 41:59

So if I take a nap while I go to the shop, would would that refill it?

SPEAKER_02 42:05

No, it wouldn't refill it. If you get you need to get a full eight hours of sleep to be able to get one d4 roll of uh will stat back. Now what if he stacks it? What if he sleeps all fucking day? And then all fucking night.

SPEAKER_06 42:20

All day.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Yeah. So if he sleeps all day and then all night, I will give you two d4.

SPEAKER_09 42:26

Alright, gang. Good night. I'm glad to have seen all of y'all today. Okay, wait.

SPEAKER_06 42:33

Jack, what size do you wear? And do you want anything else from the store?

SPEAKER_09 42:38

A sexy small girl. Quit final baby.

SPEAKER_06 42:42

S is for sexy.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

For real.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

I just had to check. Actually, that's a pretty that's a pretty good question. I haven't measured myself since I became a critter.

SPEAKER_09 42:51

Can you bring me a soda?

SPEAKER_03 42:52

Yeah, I can definitely do that.

SPEAKER_09 42:54

The closest thing to a Coca-Cola that you can find.

SPEAKER_06 42:57

Yeah, I'll uh I'll ask around.

SPEAKER_09 42:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 43:00

Thanks, Gang. Well, you have a good nap. Uh make sure you clear it with the guy that you rented the room from, that you can use the room again all day.

SPEAKER_03 43:07

I gotcha. Just to do some. I I think that worked for Dan.

unknown 43:12

I gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Okay, yeah. Do you want to head down to the counter, Jack, and try to pay for your room again?

SPEAKER_08 43:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

So you walk up to the counter and you see the the peg leg guy, he's just like face flat down on the bar, like, and he's just Where where's his guest book? Uh you look there's like a corner to the bar, and like at the corner is where he was taking your pips and stuff. You see, like tucked under there is a guest book.

SPEAKER_09 43:40

Can I since my since my dex is 10, can I like sneakily grab it and write my name in it?

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Please do, yeah. Go ahead and roll a uh a deck save.

SPEAKER_09 43:50

Six.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Six? Okay, yeah, that'll do it. You get the deck, uh you get the the guess book, you get it out, and you write your name on it, and you sneakily put it back, and then like Just as you're like running up the stairs to go upstairs to sleep, you like we the camera lingers and you see him go. And he goes back to sleep. Okay, so yeah, you make it up to your uh your room, so candid. One benefit as well of the spell you did cast, uh create feast, it says you can uh add one d4 to any roll or subtract from any roll in the next 24 hours. If you want, you can add that that d4 to your rest to get an extra d4. So you're what you would be at 3d4 if you're gonna sleep for like the next 16 hours. So go ahead and roll three d4.

SPEAKER_09 44:47

Three, four, and two.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

That's quite a bit. Yeah, you're all the way back to full. You will be asleep for the rest of the episode, Candon, if you want to go to sleep for real. Or you can hang out, it's okay. Whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_09 45:00

Can um can I come back and hang out with you guys when the episode's like dark?

SPEAKER_02 45:05

Okay, yeah. For sure. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 45:07

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Okay. Yeah, if you need to go to go to sleep, good night, Candon, until we meet again later.

SPEAKER_09 45:13

See you later. Okay. Bye, Candy.

SPEAKER_03 45:18

Bye, Candon. That bag of tits is gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Okay. Alright, guys. Uh, Jack goes to his room and and goes to sleep. Are you guys headed to this? You guys are headed to the frickin' the Delio.

SPEAKER_06 45:35

We are headed to the Delio DM.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

You guys head north past a c a lot of different kinds of buildings. You see actually a Terran fan shop of uh different different Terran stuff. You see a dude with an arm wrestling table. Come on, challenge me for an arm wrestle and see if you can win a prize. And you see um you see a dude fishing alongside the a little creek that branches off of the river. You pass actually a museum as well, and you pass the church of Marcos on your way to this shopping district. So let me know if you guys want to do anything like that.

SPEAKER_06 46:10

Roz would like to try to go in. Gail will go with.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

You see people funneling in. This really giant grand building, okay, really like gothic uh architecture. It's built out of a bunch of old, well-designed uh gravestones of like humans. So, like, but they're massive to you guys. There is a sign hanging outside the church, and it reads The Church of Marcos. Except the word Marcos has been added, uh seemingly like painted on a board and like hammered in over top of some other word right there.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Can I see if I can look underneath of it?

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Uh it's nailed on there pretty tight, but you could try to like remove it.

SPEAKER_03 46:49

Oh, I won't I won't fuck with it.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

Okay. In quotations underneath, it says the righteous are welcome here. Are or aren't? The the righteous are welcome here. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

What about the leftists?

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Uh and also I will say the gardens are withered and dying in the courtyard areas outside of the church. And the benches have been modified to be hostile architecture as well.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Oh, really? We got anti-homeless benches and fucking rat DD.

SPEAKER_02 47:17

This is my new favorite bit in rat and D. Here's what you guys see as you enter. It's like a really grand stone room. Each rock is etched with intricate details peeking out at you from behind hundreds and hundreds of posters covering every single surface. Uh, they're saying all kinds of crazy stuff like torment awaits those who serve their own identity, self-care, more like dangerous snare. And then may the margaritas bless you. Amen. There's some critters kind of almost borderline like guarding as greeters, and they see Stessica, Roz, and Gail, and they say, If you are to enter the grand sanctuary, you must cover your heads as you are lesser creatures as women. To the other guys, they're like, Come on in, bro. Welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

You're fucking kidding me. That's unbelievable.

SPEAKER_06 48:11

I'm no longer going in.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:15

That's fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 48:16

Yeah. Fuck that noise. Okay, so you guys want to head back out? Yep. I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

If Raz is going that way, then Gail's gonna turn around and give him a big old finger.

SPEAKER_06 48:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:27

I don't I don't know, guys. That might not be so bad.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

Stessica looks at you just like, what? Grandpa, I don't think you mean that.

SPEAKER_06 48:40

Let grandpa go in and get as much information as possible.

SPEAKER_05 48:44

Nah, that's that's actually what I meant. I meant I meant fuck him. Fuck him. That's actually what it meant.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Yeah, that that's what I thought. I find Grandpa. Jeremy's like, I I I I I I don't really want to go in there either. I don't this is all too familiar. What? I want to go.

SPEAKER_05 49:01

What are you scared, Jeremy? What do you bitch mate?

SPEAKER_06 49:04

Jeremy, um, look, as a woman and apparently a lesser creature, um it would really mean a lot to me if you went in and learned all that you could. Yeah, alright, I because of your position of privilege in this case.

SPEAKER_02 49:19

Okay, yeah. Should it be somebody else though? Like could it be like anybody else? Or does it gotta be me?

SPEAKER_06 49:26

I think that I think Samuel and Dan are already going in. I just think that it would be strength in numbers, you know, because Gail, Stessica, and I are probably gonna wait outside. Right.

SPEAKER_03 49:36

Oh, okay. Why why are you so hesitant to go in?

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Why is it like Oh oh I just I I don't I don't know. I just have I don't know. It just feels feels kind of it feels kind of familiar in some ways.

SPEAKER_05 49:49

I think it's because we respect women. All of us. I think that's how it is.

SPEAKER_02 49:55

Yeah, no, no, that's definitely part of it, but it's also just like, yeah, I just kind of grew up around stuff that feels similar to all this. Like, I don't know, I had an uncle that was like a pastor and we were at his church for a long time, so I don't know. It's just like one of those things where I like to be kinda I don't know. I don't it just makes me feel like I I I I just yeah, you you get it. Yeah. It's okay.

SPEAKER_11 50:13

Jeremy, are you sure you're not still high the way you were status? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 50:17

No, no, this is this is just how how I sometimes talk when I'm not buff. When I'm not buff.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

Jeremy, you don't you don't have to go in if you don't want to, but yeah, yeah, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 50:25

I'll I'll maybe just stay out with you guys. That's okay. So he also I want to tell everybody this like he bought really like armor that's probably a little too big for him, so he almost looks like a little trash can. He's a box troll. So he like goes like and then he just like so you can barely see his legs anyway, so it's hard to tell when he sits, but like it the armor like closes around him. He's Jonathan.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

Why are you making me feel maternal towards the guy that I hated in the first episode?

SPEAKER_02 50:54

What do you do? This was my plan from the beginning. Oh my god. Okay. Alright. So he's so cute. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 51:08

In Jacob's imagination.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Jacob and D. You guys are going in still? Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 51:14

I think you meant Samuel and Dan.

SPEAKER_02 51:15

Does the rest of the group want to go on to go shopping, or do you guys want to just wait for them?

SPEAKER_06 51:20

I think it would be good if we went shopping. Before we go in, can I um talk to Dan and Samuel?

SPEAKER_05 51:25

Yeah, please do. Guys. That's perfect. I wanted to talk to Roz in here. You already got Jessica save some for the rest of us. What? I don't want her, Jesus.

SPEAKER_06 51:34

Look, guys, look, guys. I just need to know if you want clothes for the ball and also if you want me to pick you up anything from the store. And if you do want that, I will need pips. I only have eight left.

SPEAKER_05 51:45

Raz. Uh, what an angel you are. Oh, it's perfect, it's perfect. Um, yeah, see, I'm a little I'm a little tight on money though.

SPEAKER_06 51:56

I I actually know that that's not true.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

It's very it's it's very true. It's very true. You can see the most massive bag of pips like slapping up against his thigh on his belt.

SPEAKER_06 52:08

Like every time he talks, it's just Samuel, are those your pips or are you just happy to see me?

SPEAKER_05 52:15

Don't flatter yourself, Toots.

SPEAKER_02 52:18

Yeah, I know you gotta type. Stexica's like slowly like inserting herself in between both of you guys.

SPEAKER_06 52:24

And she's like looking at at Roz, like Okay, Steca, actually, if you want to handle Samuel's stuff or whatever he wants from the store, I'm totally fine with that. I'll I'll talk to Dick.

SPEAKER_05 52:34

Hold on, hold on, hold on. We're it's just me and Roz and we're just talking here.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

Yeah, no, no, you're right. I will go over here. And she stands over there and looks at you.

SPEAKER_06 52:46

Alright, Samuel, what the fuck do you want from the store?

SPEAKER_05 52:48

Come on, come on.

SPEAKER_06 52:49

I mean, come on. I'm not buying you fucking shit. I have eight pips left. I can't even buy anything. This this is what happened in in the fucking bug store. It's all over again. Get the fuck out of here, Samuel. Talk to Stessa.

SPEAKER_05 53:04

Being awful selfish. I'm just gonna say, you're being awfully selfish.

SPEAKER_06 53:07

You either give me the pips or you talk to Stessica. Those are my conditions.

SPEAKER_05 53:12

And honestly, Roz, Roz, people people are talking about you.

SPEAKER_06 53:18

I highly doubt that, Samuel.

SPEAKER_03 53:21

No, Samuel, what are they saying? What are they talking about? I want to know more.

SPEAKER_05 53:26

Yeah, Samuel, please, tell tell us. They're saying you're cheap. They're saying you're cheap. I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_06 53:31

Oh my god. Jessica, can you come back over here, please? Yeah, yeah, what's up? Look, I need you to figure out whatever grandpa wants from the store. Okay? Because that's I can't I can't do that right now. I'm already taking care of Jack's stuff from the store while he takes a nap. Or f or sleeps for the next foreseeable future. And uh I'm gonna need to know what Dan needs from the store anyway. So can you handle that for me?

SPEAKER_05 53:55

Well, damn, didn't even ask me. Dan, she's holding out.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

I mean, I don't have that many pips, but I'm sure I could do my best. And then Jeremy like stands up and it's hard to tell that he's standing now because of his big armor. And then he like slaps his little pips container. He's like, No, no, you know what, guys, I I I got it. I'll I'll I'll get it. I got I got real lucky with all them diamond rings I found right one after another in Diamond Crystal's house. So yeah, I I'll get it. I'll I'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 54:22

All the diamonds and crystals that you found.

SPEAKER_06 54:24

Thanks, Jeremy. That's fine. So what's what size clothes do you guys wear? Dan and uh Samuel?

SPEAKER_11 54:30

Uh it's not like I can tell considering we've shrank, so that's why I say I think I'm like a medium in the chest, but maybe the pants are extra large or something like that.

SPEAKER_06 54:41

Alright, good to know. Dan, you got a you got an estimate from me?

SPEAKER_11 54:44

I'll just say whatever they got in medium.

SPEAKER_06 54:46

Sounds good. Uh I will give me a proper suit. Okay, do you guys want anything else from the store at all? Like if we find spells or anything, are you guys interested in any of that?

SPEAKER_11 54:55

Give me some healing potions if you find any.

SPEAKER_06 54:57

Deal.

SPEAKER_11 54:58

Oh, and can I slide her some pips for that? I don't know, like how many you want, Rose? How many of the pips? Give me out of them. Uh I'll give you I'll give you 80.

SPEAKER_06 55:07

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_11 55:08

Oh, the high's ward off. Alright. I'm not as giggly anymore. I'm more clear-minded.

SPEAKER_06 55:11

You're doing great.

SPEAKER_11 55:12

You're doing great, man. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

There it is.

SPEAKER_11 55:15

Shut up. There it is.

SPEAKER_00 55:18

Don't make me laugh. Every time.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

They knew it was still in there. So funny every time. The doormen are yelling. They're like, last call for this service. The doors are closing.

SPEAKER_11 55:32

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_06 55:34

Okay. You guys let me know. Let me know what they say, guys. Take notes or something.

SPEAKER_11 55:37

You're sending probably the worst people in here.

SPEAKER_03 55:41

As our group is splitting, I would let Roz and Jessica get a little further before I turned around to Samuel. Just one more thing. You may think that she's cheap, but at least she's not easy. And like poke him on the forehead and then turn around and walk away.

SPEAKER_04 55:56

She's what wait, what did he say?

SPEAKER_03 55:58

You don't get to not.

SPEAKER_04 55:59

She's cheap. She's not cheap, or she's cheaper or something.

SPEAKER_03 56:03

I said you may think she's cheap, but at least she's not easy.

SPEAKER_04 56:07

Who?

SPEAKER_03 56:08

What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_06 56:13

So on Brainford kick him not to remember.

SPEAKER_05 56:17

I don't know what the hell that was about, but alright.

SPEAKER_04 56:22

And then and then Samuel is gonna like hold on to Dan's like a jerk because he's blindfolded in his old man outfit again.

SPEAKER_02 56:30

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. So you guys walk into this church, and as you're walking in, you get past the two guards slash doorman greeter guys, and they are like, Oh, it's good to see you today. It's good to see you today. Thanks for coming in. You guys pass in through the gate, shaking hands, and all that. A guy walks up to you and says, Please let me guide you to a seat. Because you came in so late, you got sat pretty far in the back. You guys would recognize at the front of the church, the captain of the guard is sitting towards the front in one of the rows. With what you can assume is his wife sitting next to him.

SPEAKER_03 57:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

She's wearing that stupid hat covering thing. Oh yeah, she has uh any woman you see in this sanctuary has some kind of covering over their head, whether it be scarf or whether it be hat, whatever. It's like there everyone, every woman that's coming here has their head covered. On the right side is where you see the captain of the guard, and who you can assume is a few other individuals that are pretty important in the front row. To the left, you see a mostly empty row, except there is a a dove, or at the very least, the appearance of a dove, sitting in a golden robe you can see wrapped around him. And to his right is a woman pigeon uh wearing cover over her head, and her posture seems very uncomfortable and very nervous. And you can tell that all the way back here, that's how uncomfortable she looks. And you see some magical instruments floating towards the front of the stage, and they are playing music. They announce that service is about to begin. And you see the dove stand up, walk off to the side of stage, and he raises his wing above his head and snaps his feathers, and he disappears, and a poof of gold dust appears. And he comes crashing down from above onto the stage, gold dust blowing everywhere, and he says, Leties and gentlemen, introducing your prophet for this evening, Marcos! And he gestures to himself, and you immediately recognize him, Samuel, as one of the people you came through the portal with. He was a weird edgelord, Andrew Tate ass guy. Very obsessed with like alpha male type shit, and he is one of the people who did betray you for the king and was willing to turn you guys in and try to get you arrested, yada yada yada. He uh is doing all these little dances and snaps, and gold dust is exploding everywhere. Magical basically strobe lights are shooting in all different directions, the music is swelling rapidly, and it's kind of hard to like see what's going on because of how disorienting everything is. After a little bit of him being an absolute just jackass on stage, drawing all his attention to himself, he calms everything down and everybody kind of falls to a silent as he like holds his wings up to like bring everybody okay, everybody's quiet now. That's kind of what he's doing. And the music stops, everyone, everyone stands up in the crowd. So you guys see all the people around you stand up. Would you guys like to also stand up or are you not gonna stand up?

SPEAKER_11 59:38

I will stand up just to uh stick with the crowd, not draw too much attention.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

Okay, cool. The anaconda wants none. The anaconda wants none, lest you have buns, huh? And the crowd says, and like as a group, they go like, and do you? And he's like, I possess them and all of yours. You may be seated. Everybody sits down. I'm gonna go ahead and cut to shopping now, and we'll come back to that in a second. So you guys are headed to the markets. This shopping district is night and day different from the one that you saw the other day. This one is like bustling with life, whereas the other one didn't seem to have that many people around. There are a couple different magic stores you can choose from, a couple different alchemy places you can choose from, and there's a couple fashion stores you can choose from as well. Like, where are you guys wanting to start?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:26

I think getting the clothes out of the way would be pretty good. I have everyone's sizes, and that really is just like uh a necessary evil that needs to be taken care of. So we can do that and then spend some more time picking out um things from like the the outside.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:40

Bro, I might be crazy. What happened to Rex? Where is he at?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:45

John's.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:45

Should he stay with Jack?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:47

John's little smile when you said that. You guys realize that he stayed behind in the hotel outside of Jack's room.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:54

Uh I kinda like Rex.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:57

I like Rex, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:58

I also like Rex.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:59

So far. So far. How many people are you buying clothes for, Captain?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:05

I have Jack, Dan, and Samuel, and myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:08

So I'm not I'm not gonna have you guys roleplay this. You can just describe what you buy. It's gonna cost a total of 11 pips for everybody to get the clothes they need. Um, for that group. And then Gail. Total uh total for everyone or eleven each? Uh 11 for everyone. Oh, okay. Magical items are like stupid expensive. That's why it was costing so much for you guys. Jeremy's like, oh, if it's just gonna be that, I'll I'll I'll I'll just get it.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:31

Sweet. Alright, thanks, Jeremy. Uh yeah, Roz got a lovely um orange red evening gown to match her plover eyes. Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:40

Well now now the question is, what did what did Roz get Gail?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:44

Oh, I I didn't realize I was buying for everyone. I thought Gail was in the store with me.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

Gail is in the store with you.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:48

Oh, but Gail wants me to buy.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:50

Now take the scene.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:52

Okay. Roz got Gail. Oh, this is hard. Gail kind of serves Mask a little bit, but she also kinda I would say she got Gail like a formal romper, but like off the shoulder a little bit that has like kind of sparkly, but only to the naked eye. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:13

Had to Google what a romper is. That sounds very fitting. A wonderful choice indeed.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:19

Thank you. And it's all black, it's very sleek.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:21

It has to be. That's her whole aesthetic.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:23

Yeah, honestly. So Jeremy also pays for that one. That one would be three pips. Thank you, Jeremy.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:27

Only three? Damn.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

Stessica is going to buy a red dress. Unfortunately, she has red spell markings all over her body. Yeah. So she's just gonna lean into that and get a red dress. Yeah. Jeremy gets a suit-looking thing. Very square shoulders. And that is what he gets.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:46

Stop! You can't describe Jeremy anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:50

And then, uh wait, what does Samuel get?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:52

Is Stessica getting Samuel's clothes? She would would she not like match get a matchy suit for her and Samuel? So she's like, wait, Gail.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

Uh what should we do with Samuel at the ball? We're not bringing him in, so should we even get him like an outfit?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:09

Or are we not bringing him in?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:10

Yeah, fuck that guy. If we're gonna bring him in, we're gonna have to find a way to disguise him.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:14

I mean, he's doing a pretty good job of that already.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:16

So we're are we gonna keep him in the old man costume?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:19

Probably. I think he could do more. We could keep him in the old man costume if we wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:25

Stessica picks a uh outfit out for for Samuel that is like good for jokes. So uh we'll determine what that outfit is exactly next episode.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:37

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:38

So that's what I will say about that. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:40

I just have to buy for for Dan and Jack now then.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:43

Okay. What do you get in Dan?

SPEAKER_06 1:03:45

I would say that they both get like really snazzy suits, but for each of them I buy a different colored like bow tie. Oh hell yeah. For Dan, I would do a royal blue, and for Jack an emerald green.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:56

Oh fuck yeah. Straight up. Literally perfect. That's great. I love that.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:59

Leave out the jacket, I don't need it.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

We're going full vest. Okay, so that was clothes shopping. I'll have that be the end of like clothes shopping, and then I'm gonna cut back to uh the church now. So, guys, in the church, the pastor, uh Pastor Marcos has taken the stage. He's like up there at the podium and he's like, Audience, I'm gonna change his voice once again. He uh takes the stage and he's like, Good morning. It's a beautiful morning here at the Church of Marcos, and uh my beautiful wife is here. I wanna say hello. She's so sexy in her morning garb for this morning. Um, I have an announcement this morning. Uh my wife is actually going to come up, and she has an announcement for everyone. And you guys see his wife really is nervous. He's like, but first I had a prophetic vision last night that I wanted to tell everybody about, just uh off the top of my dome. Um this is what the uh prophecy said uh a great invisible evil seeks to destroy me. And I don't know what it is yet, but I have been warned of a wolf in sheep's clothing, a being close to me, a traitor, and they will attempt to speak lies. Hey, was he? Do not believe them, my children, lest you fall into sin and perish. That's all. Now, anyways, wife, what is it you wanna to say again up here? As he has said that, like her shoulders are like she is like trying to not emote at all, but you can see that like her posture has changed a little bit to be like, fuck. She stands up and walks up onto the stage, and the whole place is just so silent. And she gets a little stone that's magically amplifying her voice with a rune on it, and she says, I um I just want to say that I'm very very grateful, and that's all I'm just very grateful for my husband and for the church, and that's all. And then she goes and sits down. Yes, that's a Great thing for you to have said. That's uh exactly what I was uh expecting, to be honest. So very cool, uh, very great. Uh, I need to announce uh we have some new um ascended ones have been announced, and everybody fucking loses it.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:14

They're like me, pick me.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

So everybody's freaking out like that. Could you actually give us more of a demonstration? I didn't I didn't quite get it yet. Oh yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:28

Let me just Oh my god! Oh my god! Pick me! Pip me, please, please! Oh sweet no, please.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:36

Like that. Okay, thank you, I got it now. Cool, thanks. Yeah, of course. He goes, Buff. Whoops, sorry, bar. Samuel and D, you recognize this guy immediately as the guy that was standing on the box the other the other day.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:51

Oh, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:52

Like literally yesterday.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:53

And he's like, oh shit, oh fuck! Oh yeah, baby! Ascended! I'm gonna get ascended! Let's fucking go!

SPEAKER_02 1:07:02

And immediately the guy sitting next to him is like, oh, but come on, man! No, not him, not Barth! No, dude, you know! You know. Okay, okay, what is this? Is this a democracy? Are you God? Do you get to decide who ascends? I don't think so. So you can sit down, bro. Okay. And the guy sits down, he's like, oh. And Barth runs up on stage and he's like, Marcos dips his feathers in some like water and he like sprinkles it on him. The great nymph busts upon you. What? What the fuck busts? Tonight, you will go into heaven. May your heart be happy. Go sit down. Go sit down. So Bart goes and sits down at his chair. You can really tell that there's one guy that is so upset that Barth got chosen.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:47

He's like, oh my god, bro. Oh, this sucks.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:53

Just like that. We'll cut back to the shopping now. You guys have entered into a magic store. What is it you guys are looking for in the magic store?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:00

Roz would like to take a general look around, but she is definitely looking for healing potions for Dan.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:06

So I'm gonna tell you this right away. Whatever magic store you guys went in before, like the one that disappeared, was way better than this one.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:14

There's only one light weapon, one light range weapon, like one of each type of thing, one of each armor. It's really way more limited than the other store you went to. So basically, if you guys are gonna look for a spell and you want to find a specific spell, basically it's gonna be a 50% chance of you guys finding it. For whatever reason, whatever place you guys went into before was like the shit, and this is the fart. So that is the general look around you have, uh, and you're looking for some kind of a potion for Dan. What kind of potion are you looking for?

SPEAKER_07 1:08:47

A healing potion is all he told me. So that's what's the nature of the potion I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:52

You like look around and you don't see any potions of any kind, uh, and you talk to the guy at the front and he's like, Oh yeah, you'd want to look at like uh alchemy place for a potion. You know. Oh potions are different than magic, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:03

I mean, is there one around here? Is there a good one you can point me?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:07

Down the street, dude. Just out that way. Just go out there and turn left.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:10

I do have uh a question. Do you have any like regular, like a free bin of source here that I can look through?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:17

A free bin? What does that word mean?

SPEAKER_07 1:09:19

Yeah, or like a or like a one-pip bin.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:22

Uh look in that one over there. It's like the the uh the five-pip bundle. Okay. Uh look over there. And you see, like, literally the equivalent of like Walmart bin of DVDs, but like spell tablets. Uh basically what you're gonna do is you are gonna roll me two d20s for each reach into the bin. And because it's such a dirt cheap bin, you get exactly one use out of that spell, and it is not negotiable use. Like, you can't roll a d6 and see if you get to keep it. It's like you you cast it once at one power, and that's it. Okay. So you get one use. 18. You pull out the spell electric shock. Fire a bolt of lightning at a creature within 30 inches. They must make a strength save. On a fail, they take dice damage and drop whatever is in their paws. On a success, they take dice damage and hold tightly to their items. Okay, awesome. That's one third of the DVDs in there. Like, every other pull, you're gonna be like, ah, god damn it, another Sahara starring Matthew McConaughey.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:25

You know? Like, it's just gonna be that. Not that that's a bad movie. That movie just caught strays.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:30

Um, I will do one more reach in then, if that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:33

Okay, yeah. Go for it.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:36

I got 22.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:37

You pull out the spell severe laxative. No way. Get a last rest. Cause some plus dice creatures to suddenly very badly need to use the restroom. That's a keeper. That's all Roz wants to do. She'll go pay for those. You're gonna keep those two. Okay, that will be 10 pips for both of those. Okay. I want to look in too. Okay, two-thirds of it have been determined. There's severe laxative, and there is electric shock. Electric shock, thank you. So go ahead and roll 2d20 and add them together. Okay, I got a 27. No way. Cool. Okay, so you you pick out the the spell fireball.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:11

Oh nice!

SPEAKER_02 1:11:12

Cast a spark from your fingers that erupts in an explosion at a point within 36 inches, doing sometimes dice damage to all in that area. Is that all the stuff you're getting from the magic shop, or what are you what else would you like to get? Um I would like to specifically request an invisibility spell. Yeah, I got an invisibility spell uh back here. Hang on. It's like in a plastic box with like a lock on it. He like sets it on the counter and he's like, Alright, uh, yeah, so that would be it's about a hundred pips for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:41

A hundred pips? Yeah, damn. A hundred pips is outrageous. I I I can't I can't believe you'd even ask me to pay that much money. The guy, the guy over in the next town over was paying half that price.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:53

True.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

Who? Wait, what's his name?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:55

Don't worry about what his name was.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:57

What an unprofessional shopkeeper to ask me the name of another shopping place?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:03

You should be ashamed if you probably know of anyone.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:06

That's absolutely disgraceful. I demand a 50% discount right away for your impertinence. Oh my god, she does act like a white woman. Yep. Listen, she had to put on the shop.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:20

Give me an advantage will save for threatening this man's professionalism. Yes, sir. I got a 10 and a 10. Your will is 12, so you do succeed. So he's like.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:47

I'll hand him the 50 pips and take the take the thing. I'll look back at Rise and wink a little. Oh, the sexual tension is powerful.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:06

Alright, is there anything else you guys wanted from this specific from a magic store?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:10

Oh I'd like to ask him if he has any telecommunication type beat.

SPEAKER_13 1:13:16

Oh, genius.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:17

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course, of course, of course. Right, yeah, of course. And he walks into the back and he walks out with a a box and it says Rocky Talkies on the outside of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:27

Oh, the callback. Oh my god. The callback. So cute. I named that.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:31

It's true, Isaiah named that. There, this specific model is uh the I Stone 5.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:39

I did not have anything to do with that name.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:42

Was it made by Steve Flux?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:44

Oh my god. Well played. I was just about to say, D's like giggle has gone away a little bit, and then it became back.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:54

It's crazy because you can like summon the giggle just by like talking about it. Giggle. Something bubbles up inside them. So it there is four in a pack. So if you want to include more than four people, you'll have to buy two, and they are a hundred pips each box.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:09

Excuse me. How many pips do you got?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:12

Um, after everything I got, um at 76 pips.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:16

I have about eight pips I can put towards this because I don't want to spend Dan's pips.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:21

I feel like Dan would appreciate it. Dan is not there, so Dan cannot speak. But he would be able to if we had the Rocky Talkies. Couching. Well, listen, here's what we'll do. I've got enough pips. I'll cover it now, and then we can come to the group later. And anybody who actually wants a Rocky talkie can pay to pay.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:37

Question Are you going to buy two boxes and just get four? Or are you gonna get more? Okay. Be real with me.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:44

We're not fucking rich, okay? Yeah, what do you think we're made of, bro?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:47

He's like, alright, cool, that'll be a hundred pips.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

Thank you for being professional this time. You're welcome. Sadness of his voice. Sounds so sad. I kind of feel a little bit bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:56

Uh yeah, so you guys leave the shop, and with that, we fade back into the end of this church service. I'm just gonna summarize the message because I don't want to preach the whole thing, but pretty much he yaps about women should be what they were intended to be, which is vessels for babies.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:12

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:13

So he apps about that for a while, and he yaps about how lazy people should die and other things like that. Of course. And then he's like, Alright, cool. Now go ahead and bring out our uh little friend that we caught the other day. You see a man getting dragged out. Uh, you can tell he's clearly been beaten, and he is wearing brown robes, simple robes. He is knocked onto the ground, and his arms are shackled behind his back and his feet are shackled so that he can only really shuffle. Yeah, as you can see, this is a horrid traitor. Everyone boo him, and then everybody kind of around you guys starts booing him. This horrid trader uh is a servant of the old church of Nim before it was the holy church of Marcos before yours truly took over. And he was get this helping out the the homeless people who are lazy and didn't want to work out in the poorer districts, and we caught him and got him. Now we get to do our favorite forever baptism. Everybody clap, everybody clap. Time to purge this guy of his evil. Um, yeah, go ahead, Jim. This guy grabs this priest by the back of his neck and drags him up onto the stage, and he is being very quiet, he's showing very little emotion on his face, and they drag him into what you can only assume was at one time a form of a baptism tub, and they push him underwater and start to hold him in there.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:37

Can Dan cast teleport from where he's at to teleport the guy outside, just anywhere but where he's currently at. Heroic.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:44

Uh, go ahead and roll me a d6.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:47

Roll a three.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:48

You just see the guy up on the stage holding him down, just fall over into the pool, and then he gets up and he's like, He's gone! Where is he going? Marcos is like, Don't worry, everybody. I Nim just told me that he uh he was sent to hell immediately. Everybody clap. He's in hell now, he's suffering. He's suffering. And he's making like looks at the captain of the guard, and you see the captain of the guard stand up and start speedwalking towards the back door.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:14

Uh Dan would immediately get up and head to leave, if possible.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:18

Okay, are you waiting until this guy passes you and you're walking behind him, or are you gonna get out in front of him?

SPEAKER_11 1:17:22

Just till he's right past me, and then I'm gonna get up and just kind of not speed walk, but definitely walk a little bit more briskly behind him.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:29

Yeah, you guys walk towards the back of the building. Samuel, are you just kind of hanging out and staying where you're at because you don't want to be seen by the captain of the guard, or what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:37

Yeah, I'll just stay, I'll just stay where I'm at where I'm at.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:39

Okay. So, Dan, you uh follow this guy outside. Um, he has four spell tablets connected to his hip, like he did before, all dangling and clanking about. He walks out on the street and just kind of like looks around. Can I ask you which direction you teleported him?

SPEAKER_11 1:17:57

To the right of the church. Put him like 20 feet out. He's probably out of the city by then.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:00

Okay, you put him like far, far away, and the captain of the guard looks out, turns back and forth frustrated, and then he uh turns around and sees you.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:09

Uh I would quickly just not pay any mind to him and quickly turn just in a direction and just start walking. Hey! What? Hey! Yo, what? Oh, wait, you're the captain of the guard. What uh what can I do with you for, man? Where'd you come from? I was in the church, I had a pee.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:22

There's a bathroom in the church.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:24

Oh, is that I'm new here. I didn't know that. No one told me I didn't want to interrupt the whole service and stuff, so I figured, you know, I just make my way out real quick, head to the nearest tavern or whatever. You know, take a quick leak, and if they let me back in, head back in.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:35

What spells do you know? Is it important? It is important. What spells do you know?

SPEAKER_11 1:18:44

Let's see, I know uh I know shit yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:48

Okay, go ahead and roll uh a will safe to try to deceive him.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:54

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:56

Uh I got a shit. What'd you get? 19.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:03

Did I see you use the teleport at the play the other night on those crickets?

SPEAKER_11 1:19:08

I don't see how that's relevant to anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:10

It's relevant because enemy of the state was just teleported out of that church.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:15

Is that what happened? I thought he got sent to hell.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:17

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:18

Ooh, bar. That is what they said. That is what they said.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:21

Yeah, why is he so good at lying?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:25

I'm gonna say that is the equivalent of like a borderline intimidation. Like, he's thinking to himself, like, shit, this guy's gonna be like. This guy just said that he was teleported, not sent to hell. Yeah. So, like, could you roll an advantage uh will save? So you need to beat an 11.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:42

15 14.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:45

Reminder. You can use your luck if you want to.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:48

I don't think this would be a good use for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:50

Would you make me another will save uh this time with an advantage as he pulls out one spell tablet, and the other three start rotating around him as he's using this one spell tablet as a controller of the other three? Uh I got uh nine? You see him whip out this spell, and you see three spells rotating around him. You recognize he's a bird. You recognize his voice suddenly. He is not just the captain of the guard. Oh fuck. You ran into him once before, but he was wearing something different. He was wearing a pale mask and a bone white cloak. Oh shit. You recognize him as the bird that attacked you and Gail and stole Gail's trinket when you guys first arrived here.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:35

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:38

And with that, he casts Paralyze. Oh god. We'll have you roll at the beginning of next episode. D'Angelo Last Name is Dan, Candon Johnson is Jack, Catherine Bivens is Roz, Isaiah Nyman is Gail, and me, Jonathan Ransom, as your DM and audio editor. This podcast would not exist without the inspiration of real play podcasts that came before, such as Dungeons and Daddies, Critical Role, Adventure Zone, and Dungeons and Daddies again, because I'm the biggest D and Dad's glazer you will find. Thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:10

What do you mean? You sound so quiet.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:13

Yeah, your audio went like booty now.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:15

How did that happen? Do I sound quiet still?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:17

Are your earbuds still connected?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:19

Huh. Is your is your microphone still connected?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:23

Okay, there you are. Oh, now you're gonna go.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:26

Wait, so what's can you guys hear me now? Bill had my earbuds.

unknown 1:22:30

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:30

Oh, okay. Oh, she's listening. Uh oh. Bill's listening? She she has been commenting on the chat.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:36

She's been speaking.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:37

That's funny.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:38

Listening without context of the prior episode, too. What's going on? Can you guys hear me good now, though? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:48

You sound kinda hot. Are you like seeing anybody?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:54

Yeah, I've got a boyfriend, sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:56

Fuck, I bet he's a bitch. I bet nobody likes him.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:59

No, he's super uh.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:02

Don't you don't you talk about Catherine's boyfriend like that, you sick son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:07

Don't talk about him like that.

unknown 1:23:08

That's what I thought when I met him.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:10

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:13

Oh, that's a picture of me pissing. Nice. Where uh Isaiah has because my wife took a picture of me pissing. And then I'm just gonna see it in the display.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:21

And then she went, she went, Isaiah, Isaiah, John's gonna be so mad. It's true. And I was like, yes, I'll guard it with my life. That's true. I was flashing it like quick enough that they wouldn't know what it was, but you gave it away, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:36

Uh over it now. What was I even talking about? Oh man, that's the stinkiest fart I've had in a minute. Oh yeah, I got an invisibility invisible. He doesn't do that. He goes, I'm gonna change his voice again every time. I don't know. It's hard to figure out the voice, but he's like it's a beautiful, beautiful morning this morning. My beautiful wife is here. Look at her in the front row, she's so sexy. She's so fucking sexy. Oh my god, look at her. Wow. God.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:13

Oh wait, hold on. I John, I got the perfect idea for you for him. You said he's like an edgelord, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:24:19

A little bit, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:19

He's like super into the whole like alpha male thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:22

He's a shit poster, dude. A shit poster, alpha male.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:27

Like Redditor almost. Like this is my beautiful princess. Uh you know, I tweeted up her. This is my beautiful princess.